Slipping From The Pedestal
by Took-An-Arrow
Summary: The progression of Bethany's feelings towards her sister over the course of several years. * Warning.* Contains incest. You've been told. If you don't like. Do. Not. Read!
1. Chapter 1

**Lothering – Twelfth of Ferventis, 9:27 Dragon**

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Carver threw the cards he was holding onto the makeshift table with a grunt. "You both cheat." He snarled, and then picked up his sword, sheathing it onto his back as he stood.

"Where do you think you are going Carver?" Marian demanded.

"That is none of your business Sister."

"Mother and Father told you that you were to stay here while they were in Redcliff, what if something happens?"

The implication of what her older sister meant by 'If something happens' was clear to Bethany. It was clear to all three of the siblings.

"Nothing is going to happen." Carver turned to look at his twin, his features softening a little, "Have you been doing things you shouldn't, in front of people you shouldn't?" Bethany shook her head. "There." The boy waved his arm, "No one will be coming here to take her away. And don't even think of telling Mother and Father about this, or I'll tell them about your farm girl."

Marian crossed her arms with a huff. "Fine. Don't be late."

Carver gave a short, sharp whistle, and the Mabari lifted his head from his preferred sleeping spot outside. "Come on boy." The dog's stubby tail wagged as he stood up, and made his way to the boy, drooling slightly as he went.

"Lug! Stay!" The eldest sister ordered, and the hound stopped moving, looking between the two siblings, and with his head bowed down, sluggishly went back to the rug next to his mistress.

Bethany watched as her brother strode off into the centre of the village, calling Marian a spiteful bitch as he went, and once he was out of sight, she turned her attention to her sister. "What farm girl?"

"She's no one." Marian said quickly as she picked up the cards from the table.

"Well she has to be someone, and why would Mother and Father not like her?"

"She's no one." Her sister said again, this time with a little more force.

Bethany stayed quiet for a moment, trying to think of who this girl was. She thought she knew all the friends Marian had. Most of them were boys, and the one or two that were girls, certainly weren't farm girls. She frowned when she realised Carver knew something she didn't. Which wasn't something out of the ordinary, because she found that a great deal of the things that he knew and she didn't, were not things she wanted to know, but he knew something about their sister that she didn't, and Marian told her everything.

This made Bethany very perturbed. Her sister obviously didn't want her to know, so did this mean she couldn't trust her anymore? "Tell me!"

"Bethy!" Her sister snapped, balling her fist while still holding the cards.

"What?" Bethany jumped up from the chair. "Why can't you tell me?"

"Because you don't need to know."

She spun on her heel when she felt the sting of tears in her eyes, and as she placed her hand on the door handle she said. "I thought you trusted me with everything." Then she swung the door open, letting it bounce off the wall shutting itself behind her and ran into the bedroom she shared with her sister, locking it once she was inside, and then collapsed onto her bed. She could feel the magic bubbling inside her, and pulled her pillow closer.

This was just great. Their parents weren't here to help her calm down, her brother, who resents her decided he would rather be anywhere else than with her, and the person she trusted most with her thoughts, didn't trust her at all. She might as well just walk straight into the Chantry and turn as many of them into toads as she could before those armoured bullies with swords and the will of the Maker on their side locked her away forever.

The door rattled, and was followed by a knock. "Bethy, open the door. You're overreacting."

"You're overreacting." Hearing her sister laugh didn't help matters. "I'm so glad I can amuse you Sister. You'll feel terrible about mocking me and keeping secrets from me when I'm in the Circle."

"Bethany, don't say that. You're not going to that prison. I won't let that happen."

"You wouldn't be able to stop it. You can't beat the entire Order."

"I would die trying."

The young mage stared at the door for a second, before getting off the bed, still holding onto her pillow, and stood in front of it. "Please don't die. I couldn't bare that to happen."

Bethany heard the sound of something sliding down the other side of the door, followed by a light thump. "I'm sorry for keeping secrets." Her sisters' voice was soft, and appeared to be coming from ground level.

"I'm sorry for overreacting." She replied, leaning against the wooden barrier.

"She's a girl I'm friendly with."

Bethany mused over that, having friends was never something their parents generally disapproved of, but whenever Mother said Carver was friendly with a girl, it meant much more than friends. "Friendly, as in courting?"

"I suppose."

"Oh." The sudden lurch in her stomach prevented her from saying anything more than that. She closed her eyes and leaned back. She'd never imagined her sister as the courting type, she knew Marian was beautiful, she'd attracted many admirers over the last few years, all of which her older sibling had brushed aside. So who was this girl that could turn her head? The very idea of having to share her sister made her feel… something. Anger wasn't the right word, but it seemed close. She shook her head, admonishing herself for wanting to keep her sister to herself. Marian deserved happiness, she wished she could be the reason for her happiness, but that was just plain selfish.

"Are you upset?"

Bethany wanted to say yes. "No. Of course not." She sighed, pushing herself off the door, and snorted when her sister fell back onto the floor.

"You did that on purpose." Marian grinned up at her.

"I did no such thing." She smiled back, and held out her hand, which was accepted gratefully.

Once Marian was upright she took hold of her, and Bethany heaved a happy sigh as she wrapped her arms around her sister. "Come on baby sister, let's get dinner ready."

"I'm not a baby! I'm fifteen." Bethany whined as she released her sister from their hug. "And I'm not hungry."

Marian gave her a smile and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know you are not really a baby. And we haven't eaten since breakfast, I could eat a rotting mule I'm so hungry."

"Sister! Was that completely necessary?"

"No. I just like seeing that cute disgusted face you pull!"

Bethany slapped her sister on the arm, and shook her head as she went to collect the vegetables from the basket. "Are we making enough for Carver too?"

"We probably should, although he doesn't deserve it. The ungrateful bastard."

"Why do you have to be so hard on him?"

"Me? Hard on him? Ha! Maybe if he didn't act like a brat, I wouldn't treat him like one."

"He's jealous that you are a better swordsman than him." Bethany tried to defend her brother, but he did make it hard for her.

"Well excuse me, and my natural talent."

She looked at her sister with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk. "He probably has no problem with that ego of yours though."

"It's healthy."

"And in no way, absolutely annoying of course."

"It isn't."

"I just said that it wasn't." She chuckled when Marian scowled and stomped her way over to the kitchen table.

"You're peeling the potatoes." The eldest Hawke said as she picked up a knife that was too large for preparing carrots.

"Yes Sister." She stifled a laugh when she heard a growl, but couldn't stop it when a slice of carrot came flying passed her.

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><p>She had found that most of her friends that had to sleep in bunk-beds, preferred to be on the top one. It may have had something to do with the hierarchy of a family, or it could be because people don't like the idea of having a dead weight directly on top of them. Bethany and Marian had the opposite mindset. Between her training with Father, and odd jobs around the village, and her sister's training with Carver and working in the mill most days, they were both usually so exhausted; the top bunk was an effort to get to. If they could be bothered, there would be a slow race to see who could get ready and make it to the bottom bed before the other, but most of the time, they just collapsed in there together.<p>

Today had been a relatively easy one, so there was no race, and she had resigned herself to being on the top bunk. Several hours had possibly gone by, at least that's how it felt, and she still couldn't sleep. Something bothered her, and she had to find out. She climbed down the ladder, and crawled under the blankets of her sisters bed.

"Marian?" She nudged the warm body.

"What?" Came the groggy response.

"Who is this farm girl?"

Her sister looked at her with a frown, and turned her back on her. "Go to sleep Bethany."

"No. Not until you tell me."

There was a loud exhale, and Marian shifted herself to face Bethany. "It's Flora."

"Martin's sister?"

"Yes."

"As in Ser Martin? The newest Templar?"

"Yes."

"What in the Void are you thinking?" She shouted at her sister, threw the covers back from the bed and stood motionless in the middle of the room for a few moments before starting to pace. "A Templar's sister for crying out loud!"

"What is it that you think will happen? I'm going to shout out 'My sister and Father as apostates' in the middle of a conversation?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

Bethany flapped her arms, as she tried to put into words what was so wrong about this. But the only thought she could form was the word 'Because' and that probably wasn't articulate enough.

Marian got out of bed and took hold of her hands. The only light was from the half moon shining through the small window, but she could see the piercing blue eyes looking directly at her. "Bethy, I would never, ever, jeopardize my family, for anything. Not for a girl, not for coin, not even for my own life. Flora is not going to be part of this family, so you don't have to worry about her brother. It was just a bit of fun, and now I'm done."

"You don't have to do that for me."

"I'd do anything for you."

Bethany leaned forward and rested her forehead against her sisters then squeezed the hands that were still holding onto her and closed her eyes. One image ran through her mind when she did this. An image that made her heart pound in her chest. Then she felt the breath on her face, warm and sweet.

"Bethany?" Marian's voice was barely a whisper. "Are you alright?"

She nodded slightly, as that was all she could manage, because her throat had tightened and she didn't think she would be able to speak.

"Are you sure?" There was concern in the voice, so she held onto her sisters hands a little more firmly, and made a sound that could be considered an affirmative.

All the while, that same image kept worming its way into her minds eye. Marian's lips, and her lips. She attempted to control her breathing in an effort to banish the thoughts, however it didn't seem to be working.

When a loud bang came from the other room, she jumped a good five feet away from her sister, and her hands started to glow, Marian quietly picked up her sword and edged towards the door, trying to listen out for another noise.

"Lug! You are my best boy!"

The two sisters relaxed at the sound of Carver, but the eldest Hawke didn't stay relaxed for long, as she barged into the next room. "Carver, what in Maker's name do you think you are doing?"

The boy was on his hands and knees, the plate of food that she had left for him was on the floor in front of him and the Mabari was there too. He looked up at her and puffed out his cheeks. "I'm sharing my food with my favourite family member. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You can't share your food with the anything that cleans his own arse with his tongue!"

The dog gave her a plaintive whine, and Marian shrugged. "I'm sorry handsome, but it's true." Lug wagged his tail, but continued sharing the plate of food. She turned to Bethany and rubbed her face. "I think our brother is drunk."

"I'd say that is very likely." The young mage made her way to her sister, hesitated, and then kissed her on the cheek. "Go to bed, I'll take care of him."

"No. I can't let you do that."

"You can and you will. You have to work tomorrow. It's probably best that it's me anyway, he hates me slightly less than you."

"That isn't the strongest argument, but I find that I can't disagree." Marian gave her a tired laugh and kissed her on the head, making her heart speed up again, even though she hadn't noticed slowing until now.

She made her way over to one of the chairs, and waited until the slobbering sounds had stopped before looking at them, Carver's face was covered in food, and Lug helped him clean off. She grimaced as she poured him a mug of water and handed it to him once he'd managed to stand up.

"I don't hate you at all Sister." He said, before downing the contents, and putting the mug on the table. "I need to go to bed now." Bethany took his abnormally sized arm, and draped it over her shoulder, guiding him towards his room. "Why aren't you lecturing me Bethy?"

"I don't need to."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Because." She said, releasing him arm, and letting him drop to his bed. "From what I've heard, when you wake up tomorrow, you'll feel like an army of Darkspawn are charging around in your head."

"Ah. I think it's already started."

"Of course it has." She said, and left him to take off his own boots to go into the kitchen to fetch the bucket, the jug of water, a chair and a candle. By the time she got back, he had half made it into bed, so she put the bucket, jug and candle down beside him, lifted his legs up and draped a blanket over him. When she was satisfied that he was fine, she settled down in the chair and picked up one of his training manuals as something to. It didn't take long for her mind to wander to Marian, and for her heart to thump ferociously again. And she spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what it all meant.

Years later, she would remember this evening as the beginning of her downfall. And even if she had known that then, it would still have ended the same way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kirkwall – Twenty Eighth of Parvulis 9:31 Dragon**

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Bethany watched as her sister stood at the bar in the Hanged Man, swatting away Isabela's hand in an attempt to ignore the Pirates flirting. In all honesty, she could never figure out if the Rivaini woman was genuinely interested in Marian, or if she did it simply because the older Hawke reacted so aggressively against it. It was probably an equal measure of both knowing Isabela.

"Sometimes, when I think of Hawke, it makes me sad."

She turned to Merrill with a confused frown. "Why does she make you sad?"

"Oh no, no." The elf waved her hands out emphatically. "_She_ doesn't make me sad, what makes me sad is that I've never seen her smile. She seems so angry most of the time."

Bethany gave her a short nod in response. It was true. She hadn't seen her sister smile since Father died, not a real one anyway. There were times when the shape of her mouth appeared to be doing it, but she could tell it was for show, and Maker did she miss it.

And that anger that their companions automatically associated with her, started the same time as the smiles went, she wished that they could have seen her before everything fell apart.

"She isn't always so angry." Bethany said out loud. Maybe to reassure Merrill, or possibly to reassure her self.

"I know. I've never seen her angry with you."

"Or with you." She looked to the young elf with a soft smile. "She knows you wouldn't like it."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really." She supposed not everyone could tell the difference between Marian's 'Pissed off' mood and her 'If you don't shut up right now, this very large sword on my back will be going in one side of your head, and coming out of the other' mood. If they _could_ tell, Anders and Fenris would never speak again.

Her sister's only real objection to Fenris was simply due to his hatred of magic, but her dislike of Anders was less about his opinion, and more to do with the almost pathological need to express said opinion as loudly, and as often as possible. There can only be so many times you hear what essentially boils down to; Mages, yay! Templars, boo! Before it stops having any actual effect.

Isabela, Varric and Aveline generally get the brunt of her anger, simply because they are the ones that shrug it off the easiest. Isabela flirts with her, or says something outrageously dirty to stop it, Varric starts telling a story, and Aveline just calls her a Tit.

Bethany wonders if why the guardsman can get away with insulting her sister so bluntly is because she's become family. They lost Carver and she lost Wesley, barely an hour apart, Mother took it upon herself to take Aveline under her wing, and the two of them grieved together. It should have been something they did as a whole, but Mother blaming Marian for Carver's hotheadedness meant that she had shut out her daughter, and Bethany couldn't have her sister feel alone, not when she needed someone. After three days on the ship from Gwaren their mother finally let her back in, but the damage was already done. Not that Marian no longer loved their mother, but a distance had been made, which after a year still had not been mended.

But it was Aveline that kept that gap from getting any wider; she took on the role of adopted daughter and sister with ease. It had long since been mere gratitude for not leaving her behind in Lothering, and her protectiveness of the family, except Gamlen of course, was occasionally overbearing, but never unwelcome.

A mug of ale slammed down onto the table, and several gulpfuls of the liquid jumped out in defence. "Must you persist Isabela?"

"Why yes, I must, you are so very adorable when you're grumpy."

"I hate you."

"No sweet thing." The pirate leaned into Marian's ear, and breathed, "I don't think you do."

Her sister grabbed the ale and took a long swig, but Bethany could see the flush on her face, and that made her want to slap the Isabela, which was ridiculous, because she adored Isabela.

"Am I adorable when I'm grumpy too?" Merrill chimed in.

The pirate laughed and leaned back in her chair. "I don't know Kitten, I've yet to see you grumpy. But if it happens, I have no doubt you will be."

Merrill gave Isabela a goofy grin, and the elf reminded Bethany of herself, years ago, when Marian paid attention to her and made her feel like she was her favourite person in the whole of Thedas. Now she barely gets a handshake, let alone any other type of affection.

Her sister finished off her drink and stood up. "We can't stay here all day, we have jobs to do."

As Bethany stood up, Isabela grabbed her arm and yanked her back down. "You know you don't have to do everything your sister says."

"I'm not doing anything I don't want to!" She snapped at the pirate, then immediately regretted it when she realised that she may still be annoyed at how Isabela can make Marian blush. "Besides, she my big sister."

"Big sister as in older, that's about all I can see Sweetness. You are the bigger person in so many other ways. You have a bigger heart…"

"I'm not sure about that." Bethany interrupted, while avoiding her sister's eye.

"I am. Bigger heart, bigger smile." Isabela held out her hands in front of her. "Bigger…"

"Isabela." Marian warned with gritted teeth.

"What? I was going to say bigger staff."

Bethany's brow furrowed. "Well of course I have a bigger staff, my sister isn't a _mage_." She whispered the last word.

"It's bigger than mine." Merrill said. "And much prettier. Is that a naked lady?"

Marian coughed. "Yes, well, can we get going now?" The eldest Hawke looked at Isabela. "There's a job, which means coin, and I know how much you love shiny things."

"You're right about that." The pirate slapped her thighs and stood up. "What's the job?"

"I had a letter from a trader in the Hightown market saying something about the Bone Pit."

The pirate scrunched up her face. "The Bone Pit? Uh, I don't want to go. No amount of coin is worth going there."

Marian grabbed hold of Isabela's arm, and pulled her close. Bethany could see that something was being said, but couldn't hear what. The pirate looked at her sister, then to Merrill, and sighed. "I guess we're going to the Bone Pit then!" She said with a great deal of false joviality.

With that, they all left the tavern and made their way to Hightown.

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><p>The few times they'd actually left Kirkwall, it had been a pleasant change of scenery. The wounded coast had been pretty - being attacked by rebel Qunari, not that great. Sundermount was pleasant enough - angry Dalish elves being hostile, not so much fun. So when Bethany saw the dreaded Bone Pit and it made her feel instantly miserable, so hoped that this place wouldn't have yet another long line of things that seemed to want them dead.<p>

She was disappointed, but ultimately not that surprised when they got attacked by a large group of raiders outside of the mine. She was even less surprised by how quickly they were dispatched. No matter how much in-group bickering there was, she, Isabela, Merrill and her sister always seem to work awfully well together.

"There's the mine over there." Marian pointed to the entrance. "I'm going to check if there's anything else out here that needs killing before we go in." She turned to the rest of her companions. "But that doesn't mean you should all wander off. Stay close."

"Aye, aye Cap'n." Isabela clicked her heels together.

Marian glared at her, then rolled her eyes and stormed off and Merrill followed close behind, leaving her and the pirate walking together. She looked down at Isabela's bare arm and saw an unmistakeable hand print, then had to look away when she felt sick. When had her sister become this person? This bully? In Lothering she never bullied anyone; in fact she got into trouble more than once for sticking up for anyone who was being abused.

"It's not as bad as it looks. It's just a bruise." Isabela said.

"It looks pretty bad." She answered.

"Looks can be deceiving Sweetness. Believe me."

"How can you just ignore what she did?"

"What she did?" The pirate laughed mirthlessly. "Do you really think Hawke is such a bad person?"

"I... I don't know. That bruise you have isn't working in her favour."

"She apologised for that. She didn't grab me as hard as it looked, she's wearing her armour, it's bound to leave a mark."

"Okay, I can accept that. But what did she say to make you change your mind about coming here?"

"I didn't get where I am today by telling secrets."

"Isabela!"

"What is it with you Hawke women shouting my name?" The pirate sighed. "I'm the only one she trusts to look out for Merrill. It's all about tactics. We stay out front, while you two get the bastards from the back. If we get split up, she needs to know that someone is going to make sure she's safe."

"Why can't _she_ make sure Merrill is safe?"

Isabela looked at her incredulously. "Because _you_ are her priority. You are the one she's going to protect."

"And she said this to you did she?" Bethany asked the question with scepticism.

"Yes! Andraste's knickers, woman! How can you think anything else?"

"I guess I've never thought about it." She shrugged.

"Then start thinking about it." The pirate said seriously. "As much of a bitch as she can be, there is no one who I'd want watching my back more. And you, my Pretty, have it, without question. Never think that she doesn't have you at the forefront of her mind at all times, because she does. You are the luckiest girl I know." Isabela was silent for a moment, before she laughed. "Stop looking at me like that Sweetness. You'd swear I just kicked a puppy or something."

"I…"

"All clear!" Marian's voice boomed over to them.

"We found some Elfroot." Merrill added. "As well as a dead body. A deader body than the ones who are just dead. From us, I mean."

"Probably one of the miners." Bethany said, looking over to where the elf was pointing.

"That doesn't bode well." Marian scowled.

"Does that mean we can go?" The pirate asked hopefully.

"No." The older Hawke said firmly. "Whatever did this, is probably still out here."

"My point exactly. If we leave, then we won't have to deal with it." Bethany smiled at the pirate's sigh, when rather than respond to her statement, her sister just walked off in the direction of the mine. "Guess that's a 'no' then."

"Guess so."

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><p>"Oh, are we going to go that way? I've never seen a huge dragon before."<p>

"You are in luck Kitten, because it appears that we are _INDEED_ going to go that way."

"I'm sensing some stress in your voice Isabela." Marian smirked.

"Really? Picked up on that did you? You're not as self-absorbed as you seem then."

"Are you two actually arguing?" Bethany cut in. "Or are you both just trying to put off seeing the big dragon?" When she didn't get a response she looked to Merrill and said, "Come on, let's go. I want to see the big dragon too." Two seconds after they started in the direction of the exit, Marian and Isabela rushed in front of them.

* * *

><p>She hadn't anticipated just how huge it would be. Yes, Flemeth had been bigger, but she was also not really a dragon. Or not entirely a dragon anyway. This one was definitely just a dragon, and it wanted to eat them.<p>

She and Merrill stood as far back as possible while Isabela and her sister attacked it head on. It had been going better than expected, until the thing caught Marian with its claw, and she went hurtling into the stone. Bethany called out, but got no response, so she handed the elf one of her last two lyrium potions, and drunk the remaining one. "Hit it with all you can, don't hold back, Isabela's counting on you now."

"What about you?"

"Marian isn't moving."

Merrill looked at the still Hawke, her eyes widening at the sight. "Go." She said, and launched her most powerful spells onto the beast.

She rushed over to her sister, and saw there was a lot of blood coming from her head and her eyes were closed. She placed her hands over the wound and let the magic do its work. From behind her she could hear the primal screams of battle, but couldn't risk taking her eyes off of Marian.

Absolute dread gnawed at the pit of her stomach. What if this was it? What would she do? How would she cope? She was nothing without her sister. She'd been waiting for so long to see the old Marian come back, to hear her laugh again, to see that twinkle in her eye when she was about to do something impish. She shook her head and stopped thinking about what she missed and just focused all her energy on the injury. Repeating 'Maker help me' under her breath.

There was a moan and then blinking. "Hey." Her sister's voice was hoarse, but warm.

That one word brought on a relieved sigh, followed by guttural sob, then a punch on her armoured chest. "Don't do that again." After a few seconds, sounds began to drift back into her conscious, and she remembered what was going on. "I'll be right back." She told her sister, then aimed her staff at the dragon and released a bolt of lightening. The three fighters had learned from the mistake and kept on the move, it didn't have a chance against them. When it crumpled to the ground, they all gathered around a relatively upright Marian.

Bethany sat beside her sister, while Merrill just laid on the ground with a groan.

"Fancied taking a rest did you?" Isabela asked as she plopped herself down and leaned against the rock face.

"Urgh." The older Hawke managed, and then collapsed onto her sister's lap.

"It clearly wasn't beauty sleep, because you look terrible."

"That was mean Isabela."

"It's okay Kitten, Hawke knows I'm only joking."

"But I don't think now is the right time to be joking about how she looks." Merrill defended.

Bethany looked down at her sister, and brushed the hair out of her face. "I though I was going to lose you." She said quietly.

"You'll never lose me."

"Promise?"

"I promise." And Marian smiled. A real smile. To Bethany it was like a jolt to her heart, and that all too familiar pounding beat came back.

"I'm going to hold you to that."


	3. Chapter 3

**Lothering – Twenty First of Matrinalis 9:27 Dragon**

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The heat was driving Bethany crazy. She had never been particularly fond of hot weather, it made her grumpy, but this year it seemed almost unbearable. Father was the same way, and she wondered if all mages were like this, or if it was simply because they were related.

Mother, Marian and Carver on the other hand thrived on it. Her sister insisted that all living things need the sun to grow.

_Codswallop._

Although that might explain the Dwarfs.

She and Father were sitting on the porch, normally she stayed in the house, but there was a pleasant breeze outside. Her brother was hitting a wooden man with his sword, Mother was tending to their small garden and Marian was washing Lug in the tub. She envied that Mabari some days. He didn't have to do any chores, he got attention whenever he wanted it, if he broke anything accidently, he never got that stern look from Mother, and he was treated like a king.

"All done." Her sister told the hound, and he jumped out and shook himself off. "Anyone else want me to give them a bath? Bethy?" Marian grinned.

_**Yes**__. _"No! I am not your pet. And that water is filthy!"

"Are you sure now? I don't want you saying 'Oh, how I wish there were some lukewarm, Mabari slimed water around' because I'll just tell you, you had the chance."

Bethany giggled. "Quiet, you."

"Okay then."

She leaned her head back on the chair, closed her eyes, and listened to the sounds around her.

Insects and birds got on with their busy day; children were playing, Father turning the pages of his book, Mother humming to herself, the thunk of metal on wood and a mighty war hound barking at a feisty chicken. These noises were comforting to her, they made her smile. They made her think, just for a little while, that she was normal.

"Let's go do something." Marian voice drew her back from that fantasy. But she was fine with that.

"Such as?" Carver asked.

"I don't know. I'm feeling restless."

"So because _you_ are restless, _we_ have to do something? What a shock! Not everything revolves around you Sister."

"Carver." Their mother sighed. She didn't even have to say anything else; the rest of the sentence had been said many times before.

"Mother." The boy acknowledged, and gave her his best charming smile, which always worked, and went back to his sword practice.

"You know," Their father said, resting his book on his lap. "I remember, not that long ago, when one of you would say 'Let's go do something' you actually did. You'd be gone all day and come back with grazed knees, covered in mud and bits of twig stuck in your hair." He smiled when he said that. "None of you would ever tell us what you got up to."

"We were on adventures." Bethany gave her father a shrug. "You can't tell your parents about adventures. It's the law."

"I tried to follow you once." Their mother said with a guilty smirk.

"We know!" Marian laughed.

"You aren't very stealthy Mother." Carver sheathed his sword and moved towards his older sister. "Me and Bethany started working out this really complicated way of losing you, and Marian just told us to run."

"Charming."

"Well, it helped that we knew every single hiding place in Lothering."

"Oh!" Bethany jumped out of her seat. "Do you remember that thing we buried?"

"Surely there's no way that would still be there." Her sister said.

"Why not?"

"We could see if it is." Carver looked like an excited twelve year old again, and it was nice to see.

"Lug!" Marian called, and the dog stopped harassing the hen and came trotting up to her. "Time for a walk." He barked happily and ran around in circles, trampling on Mothers flowers as he went.

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><p>It took them some time to find the treasure, and it was Bethany that eventually led them to the right spot. When they were children they had many hiding places, there was a particular boy that used to pick on her for some reason, and even though Marian and Carver would've been happy to make him stop, in their own special way, they also knew that she didn't have complete control of her magic, and if the little weasel had seen what she was, they had no doubt he would tell.<p>

"What is buried here? Does anyone know?" Her brother asked.

"Uh, no. I'm hoping it isn't that sheep skull." Marian frowned.

"Don't you two remember? There was an Orlesian carriage that came through on its way to Denerim…"

"Carver stole something from it." Marian pointed at their brother.

"I did not, it was you." He gave his older sister an annoyed look.

"It was not! It was during that phase you had of indefinitely borrowing things. We'd only just got done hiding the bottle of wine you 'borrowed' from Dane's."

Carver chuckled. "Oh I'd forgotten about that. He almost caught us too."

"No. He almost caught _you_. You were the little thief; Bethany and I were merely the lookouts."

"Still would've got into trouble though."

"We know." The young mage scowled at her twin. "And so did you, you Blighter."

"I had to keep you women in line somehow didn't I?" He smirked.

If Marian had been wearing her armour, the punch she gave him on the shoulder probably would've drawn blood. "Just because one of your arms is bigger than both of mine put together, doesn't mean I won't make it hurt next time Brother."

"Oh please. You're just a girl, you couldn't hurt me. When are you going to give up this warrior stuff and find yourself a nice husband to cook and clean and make babies with?"

Bethany knew what he was doing; the two of them had been playing this game for a long time. They had to test one another; it was about strength and control. Their parents had made it clear to Marian and Carver that they had to be the ones to protect her. There was a time and place for violence, and against the Templars, their first reaction shouldn't be emotional.

So her siblings would goad each other. Carver would do what he was doing now, and her sister would tell him how much better she was than him. The goal was for neither of them to react, and sometimes they managed it, sometimes they didn't…

When Marian lunged at him, she had to jump in front of her and latch on with an arm to stop her brother from being assaulted. Her sister was considerably stronger than she was, and that meant she had to use dirty tactics to calm her down. Or at least distract her long enough for the initial anger to subside.

With her free hand, she touched her sister on the leg, and gave her a small shock.

"Ow! Bethy!" Marian looked at her appendage with a pout.

"What?" She asked with feigned innocence.

"Don't you 'what' me."

"She got you good Sister." Carver laughed from a safe distance away. "And you lose this time too."

"Shut it."

"No." He crossed his arms over his chest with a smug smile. "You lose, I win."

"Well done for being such a very believable Arse."

"I have a great many talents. The fine ladies of Lothering will agree. Just ask them."

"I'd rather not." Marian rested her cheek on her sisters' shoulder and sighed.

Bethany felt a tingle on her neck and remembered that she still had hold of her sister. Perhaps it was because she was so hard to let go of. "Can we dig up this loot now?" She stepped out of Marian's space and gave the Mabari a pat on the head. "You going to help us boy? There might be bones in there."

The dog cocked his head to one side and gave her a questioning whine.

"Don't look at me like that. There _could_ be bones there. It's unlikely, but you can't rule it out."

Lug wagged his tail, walked off to the spot of the treasure and started burrowing. The three of them took a seat on a nearby rock and watched the hound do all the work. But it was work that he enjoyed, so why spoil his fun?

"Who would win in a fight between the Revered Mother and Elder Miriam?" Carver asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Marian scoffed. "Elder Miriam of course."

"But she's so old."

"Since when has that mattered? You were scared to death of her when you were younger."

"Still am. You're right. That was a stupid one. Okay, how about, Barlin and Danal?"

"There wouldn't even be a fight. Barlin is such a coward he would run for the hills before it got to the hitting part."

Carver chuckled. "It would be a fight between Danal and the cloud of dust Barlin left behind, and Danal's shadow could beat that."

"Now there's a fight to see!"

Bethany shook her head. "You two worry me sometimes."

Marian draped an arm over her shoulder and leaned in. "Don't be sore that we have a more vivid imagination than you."

"With imagination comes childishness."

"Did you hear that Brother?" Her sister asked, rubbing her chin.

"I did indeed Sister." Carver answered with a wicked grin, and turned to look at the rock pool behind him.

"Don't even think about!"

"As we are apparently immature, then you know we are thinking about it. Carver? Would you mind awfully if you grabbed her legs."

"It would bring me childlike glee."

"No! I was only kidding. You're very mature!" Bethany squealed as she tried to stand up, but her brother was quicker than he looked.

Marian came up behind her and wrapped both arms around her waist. "No take-backs Bethy. Would you say that pool looks nice and cold?"

"You know Sister, I think it does!"

"You're both wretches!" She wriggled, and realised, given what was currently pressed against her back, that was a terrible idea.

Before they had a chance to pick her up, Lug barked and the three of them looked to see him jumping around something. "I think maybe someone's watching out for you." Marian kissed her neck, and let her go.

"Maybe." She said quietly, then started to take deep breaths.

The three of them walked over to the hound, who was standing in front of a wooden box, and they kneeled down to look at it. "Andraste's arse." The eldest Hawke groaned. "I bloody remember this now."

Carver slapped his hand against his face. "Me too."

"Idiot!" Marian smacked her brother across the head.

"How was I to know?" He reasoned.

Bethany had only remembered that there had been a pretty box. She didn't pay much attention to crests or seals back then. not that she knew them all now, but she recognised the Royal Seal of Orlais when she was staring at it. "Bugger."

"There's no point in worrying about this now." Carver said with an air of someone who was trying to convince themselves of that. "It was four years ago. They've bound to have forgotten it."

"Unless they left someone here in hiding." Marian shrugged. "There are a lot of sneaky types from Orlais. There could be a covert Royal Agent, just waiting for the thief to slip up."

"You don't think so, do you?" Their brother gnawed on his bottom lip anxiously.

"I do."

"I have to… go." He stood up quickly, and bolted in the direction of home.

"You," Bethany poked her sister. "are the wretchiest."

Marian snorted a laugh. "It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. I wonder where he went."

"I don't want to know." She sighed, and picked up the box.

"It really is quite beautiful." Her sister touched the intricate pattern on the top. "You should keep it."

"Why?"

"A beautiful thing, for a beautiful girl." Marian smiled.

"In that case, you should have it." She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, and offered the box to her sister, who frowned and pushed it back to her.

"I'm striking Bethy, It is not the same. You are the most beautiful person I know." The older Hawke stood up, and brushed the dust from her clothes.

"You only know ten people." She replied as she mirrored her sisters actions.

"Not true! I know at least fifteen. And even if I knew everyone in all of Thedas, you would still be the most beautiful."

Bethany turned away from Marian so that she wouldn't see her become more and more flustered. "You are such a liar. How many girls have you said that too?" _Oh Maker! Why was she still talking about this?_

"I admit I may have spun a tale or two with a number of women. But I would never lie to you."

"What about when you told me that the Chasind would take me away if I didn't give you my cookie."

"Really? You still remember that! Anyway, I was eleven, and I'd already eaten mine."

For the entire conversation, Bethany had heard a rustling noise, finally curiosity got the better of her and she turned to see Marian in just her small clothes. "What are you doing?" She asked as she snapped her head back to avoid seeing the half naked body.

"What? It's hot, and that rock pool looks like bliss." Her sister climbed into the pool and moaned happily. "Bethany, don't be such a prude. Come in."

She weighed up her options. And she decided, as she removed her dress, that she would need something to cool her down no matter what. She would just try her very best to keep her eyes closed for the entire time.

She chuckled quietly to herself. Who was she trying to kid?


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: I'd just like to thank everyone who has reviewed, and put this story on their favourite and alert list. It's very much appreciated.

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><p><strong>Kirkwall – Thirtieth of Parvulis 9:31 Dragon<strong>

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"You should stop staring at her." Isabela said as she rifled through the pockets of a recently deceased thug. "You've been doing it for two days, and it's making her distracted. You healed her, she fine."

"She's fine, for now." Bethany replied.

"Are you expecting some sort of delayed wound?"

"No. But she's going to get hurt again. I just know it."

"Sweetness," The pirate stood up and shoved the few coins she'd found into her pouch. "we spend most days going out and killing stuff. Sometimes those things get a few lucky shots in before they go down. Of course she's going to get hurt. We _ALL_ get hurt, including you."

"But it was bad. Really bad."

"It. Was. A. Dragon." Isabela punctuated every word with exasperation.

"I know that!" She huffed.

"Then stop worrying about it. Hawke is tough, and she has you to help her if she gets into any kind of trouble."

"What if I'm not enough?"

"You are. Now stop moping, I don't like it. There's only room for one moody Hawke, and you're sister has filled that post." When she giggled, Isabela rubbed her arm and smiled warmly. "That's more like it." The pirate bumped her shoulder playfully. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, I heard Hawke say something about buying us a round in the Hanged Man."

"I'm pretty sure she actually said 'I'm covered in someone's guts, I'm going home'"

"That's not what I heard." The rouge waggled her eyebrows at her before running off to catch up with her sister.

Merrill came up beside her as she started to walk in the direction of her comrades, the elf was smiling and she couldn't help respond in kind. She could see why Marian had a soft spot for her, even if she was a blood mage. "Why do you look so happy then?"

"I'm having a nice time."

Bethany quirked an eyebrow. "We just got attacked. Again. Last time I checked, that is not the ideal basis for a nice time."

"I suppose not. But it's not what you do; it's who you're with. And I'm with you, and Isabela, and… Hawke."

She spotted Merrill's cheeks and ears turn a different shade, even at this time of the evening. She was all too familiar with a great many women and men having that response when it came to Marian. Herself included.

"So you like my sister then?"

"Oh yes." The elf bobbed her head. "What's not to like? She's smart and pretty…"

"…Rude, obnoxious, bad tempered…"

"But she's not really like that though is she."

Bethany shook her head. No, Marian wasn't really like that. But _she_ apparently was so selfish she tried to make the elf think that her sister wasn't a nice person, just so she didn't have to contend with someone else's attempts to steal Marian's affections from her. "No Merrill, she isn't."

"She brings me food when she comes to visit me. I don't always remember to eat it though."

Marian visits her? She didn't know that. "You should eat." She said with annoyance.

"I try. I do." The young elf looked up at her with watery eyes.

_Maker! You are such a cow_. "I just don't want you wasting away. Please try and remember. Put a note up somewhere 'Must Eat Something' Otherwise you'll get me standing in the corner of your room shouting at you to have some bread."

"Why in the corner?"

"Well, I don't want to be intrusive do I?"

Merrill laughed. "That's very thoughtful of you."

From around the bend they heard Marian shout, "To the Void with you woman! I want a bath!"

"You are such a spoilsport Hawke."

She and Merrill made their way towards the two women. Isabela looked like she was having the best time she could have, and until she saw Bethany, Marian looked like she was about to punch the pirate out.

"Bethy!" Her sister strode up and gave her a handful of bits. "Go for a drink with the wench so I don't have to listen to her anymore." And then she marched off towards Gamlen's.

"How much did she give you?" Isabela asked as she bounded up to them.

Bethany looked down and counted ten coppers. "Enough for three mugs."

"Your sister is a miser."

"How much were you hoping for exactly?"

"I don't know. But that will barely get me tipsy."

"You didn't annoy her enough."

"I know. I almost had her, but then you two came along." Isabela shook her head disappointedly. "Can't take you people anywhere." The pirate turned on her heel and sashayed towards the tavern, beckoning them with her finger. "Come on. Varric had a merchant's guild meeting earlier. He might be drunk enough to not notice how much booze he buys us."

"You're just full of optimism today aren't you?" Bethany smiled.

"That's me!" Isabela said, turning around briefly and giving her a wink.

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><p>There was a lot that could be said about the Hanged Man, and very little of it was good. The ale was watered down, or so she'd been told, most of the patrons were old men trying to grope the women, and some of the other men if they were too drunk to notice.<p>

Then there was the smell… It was hard to put your finger on what it was exactly, but for the first few weeks of going there, Bethany felt like the inside of her nose was being burned. She'd mostly gotten used to it now.

It wasn't all bad though. Gamlen didn't spend much time there; he spent most of his days in the Blooming Rose. So, that was something.

"Rivaini!" Varric bellowed happily when Isabela entered the tavern. "And Daisy! And Sunshine!" He added after he noticed the two mages walk in behind the pirate. "What are my three favourite ladies doing here?"

"We couldn't bear being apart from you, you fiendishly handsome dwarf, you."

"I get that a lot. Will you be joining me for a drink and a game of Wicked Grace?"

"I never say no." Isabela said as she straddled a chair next to Varric.

"So I've heard." Bethany smirked, and took a seat next to a chuckling Merrill.

"Cheeky!"

"So where's Hawke?" Varric asked as he held up three fingers to Nora, and then pointed to the table.

"At home, being a fuddy-duddy. Doing whatever fuddy-duddies do." The pirate said, picking up the cards and shuffling them.

"Do you suppose she's read the fuddy-duddy manual?"

"Varric! She wrote the fuddy-duddy manual. Because she is the fuddy-duddiest of them all!"

"You realise you're talking about _my sister_, right?"

"Relax Sunshine. We mock, because we care."

"You must care about a lot of people then." Bethany gave the dwarf a crooked smile.

"Touché!" He shouted, and lifted his mug in the air.

"Are we all supposed to be doing that?" Merrill asked with confusion. "Because we haven't had our drinks yet."

"Nora!" Varric called to the waitress. "You shall have a silver coin if you can bring four mugs before I finish the one I have in my hand."

"Maker's Breath Varric!" Corff said as he watched the barmaid in a blur from behind the bar. "I've never seen her move so fast."

In the few seconds that passed, everyone in the tavern waited to see who would come out victorious, and the whole room erupted in howls of excitement as Merrill called the winner.

Varric handed Nora the coin with a smile, and turned his attention back to the rest of the group. "Now we shall drink!"

"Touché!" Merrill lifted up her cup, and then looked around at the amused faces. "I thought that's what we were supposed to say." She mumbled, sinking as far down on the seat as she could.

Isabela looked at Bethany, then they both looked at their dwarven companion, and the three of them raised their mugs and yelled. "Touché!"

This went on every time they had a drink, until the rest of the pub got so annoyed of it, that they started throwing shoes.

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><p>After a few hours, and several mugs of ale, they were all relatively merry. Merrill was leaning against Bethany's arm, singing in a language that she didn't understand. She guessed that it was probably Elvish. Varric was regaling a small crowd on the adventures of Hawke and company, and Isabela was flirting with one of the young men at the bar. All in all, it was a normal night at the Hanged Man.<p>

And she liked normal.

She only wished that Marian were here, having a good time with her.

She sighed, louder than she'd intended, and the young elf stopped singing, sat as upright as she could and gave her a concerned look.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She replied softly.

"Really? Because that sigh made my brain wobble."

"I'm sorry I gave you wobbly brain." Bethany smiled. "I really am fine, I think I just drunk too much."

"Me too." Merrill said as she collapsed back onto her arm. "Do you think Hawke will change her mind about coming here tonight?"

"Probably not."

"That's sad."

"Yeah."

The two of them heaved a sigh together, and Merrill resumed her singing, while she started thinking about what she always thought about whenever she was drunk. Why had it been Marian?

Was it because her sister had been her hero ever since they were children? So many of her memories of when they were young were of Marian saving her. Whether it was from bullies, falling from a tree, or Templars. It didn't matter what; her big sister would protect her, sometimes putting her own life at risk.

Had this lifetime of hero worship somehow transformed into what she felt now? In the stories the Princess always gets rescued by the Prince and then they would fall in love and marry. So what happens when the Prince is your sister?

This was why she didn't like drinking. She would end up having too many questions that were unanswerable.

"You two look like a couple of sad sacks." Isabela scolded the pair as she sat down.

"I've never seen a sack that was sad." Merrill lifted her head slightly. "Unless they're always sad, and I didn't know this whole time. Aw, do you think it's because they have to carry so much stuff? I know I'd be sad if _I_ had to carry stuff all the time." The elf bit her lip for a moment. "Do you think there's something we could do? What would make a sack happy?"

"The plight of the Unhappy Sack is a sad tale Kitten. I'm not sure we should get involved."

"Anders has his plight. Why can't I have mine?"

"No one ever listens to Anders though. Whenever he preaches, it goes in one ear and out the other. But if you feel this is something you have to do, then start small. Make their load less burdensome."

Bethany shot the pirate a look that screamed, _Stop_ _encouraging her !_ She was ignored. This was going to be the Plight of the Wounded Coast all over again. But with sacks.

Once Varric got involved in the conversation, all other subjects were off the table, and the three of them began coming up with a plan to save the poor bags who have to work hard every day without any thanks.

She wasn't sure which was worse. The fact that the people she chooses to spend time with are obviously crazy, or, because that was the reason she liked them.

She didn't have a lot to add to the discussion, but she enjoyed listening to them. They were like a very strange, dysfunctional family, who cared about each other very much.

"Sunshine?"

"Hmm?" She turned to Varric. "Sorry, I was miles away."

"We could tell. So are you with us on this Plight? Or are you with The Man who wants to keep the sacks in his greedy grasp of power?"

As she opened her mouth to answer, the door of the tavern swung open, and she, along with the rest of the patrons, turned to see what the commotion was. "Marian?" She didn't know why she asked that. It was clearly her sister, but a part of her brain needed clarification because she was dressed in normal clothes and she looked dishevelled.

The older Hawke slammed the door behind her and scanned the room carefully. The off-duty guard looked like he was about to wet himself when her gaze finally landed on him, and she stomped her way towards him.

"Hawke."

Marian acknowledged that Isabela had called her name, but then she turned back to the guard. "I need your sword." She demanded.

"My sword?" The young man swallowed. When Marian nodded, he took it out of its holder and gave it to her with a shaky hand.

"You'll get it back." She said as she grabbed the hilt, and swung it around to get used to the balance.

"Hawke!" The pirate shouted this time. "What is going on?"

"I'm being chased." She said, as if having to explain it was some minor inconvenience.

Bethany stood up immediately, and the other three followed soon after. "Maybe you should take his shield too." She pointed to the guard her sister had just harassed.

"I don't like shields."

"How many of them are there?" Varric asked as he got Bianca ready for battle.

"How should I know? I didn't stop to count."

"There's no need to be like that." Isabela said. "We'd just like to know what we'll be dealing with. Do you even need us? You're more than capable of taking on an army."

"Do I look like I'm prepared for a fight to you? I don't have any armour on, and the only weapon I have is this itty bitty knife."

"Dagger." The pirate corrected. "And why _are_ you dressed like a hoity toit?"

Bethany saw hesitation, before her sister frowned and grunted. "This isn't the time."

When the door flung open again, everyone who had a weapon got ready to defend themselves, and at the sight of Aveline looming in the doorway, they all relaxed. A little. "Oh good, you're not dead."

"That's a terrible greeting." Merrill frowned.

"What are you doing here Man Chin?"

"What can I say? When I saw a lone figure running through the streets of Hightown, being pursued by an armed mob, I just assumed that it was someone I knew." The guardswoman gave Marian a pointed look.

"You thought it was me didn't you?" Isabela asked smugly.

"It crossed my mind, yes."

Bethany stomped her foot on the floor. It was childish, but it got their attention. "Before you two start bickering," She paused. "Any more than you already have. Could we get some details? Like how many people were in this mob?"

_And why was Marian in Hightown?_

"I counted at least ten." Aveline put on her serious face. "I saw them head towards the Alienage."

"Ten. We can take ten." She looked over to her sister, gave her a quick smile and took a deep breath. "Let's move out."

When they got outside Bethany could hear the shouts, and she held onto her staff with a firmer grip. "Which way do we go?"

"Sounds like they've spread out."

"We head towards the Docks." Marian said, taking the lead.

"Why there? We can fight anywhere." Isabela asked.

"I want them as far away from Mother as possible."

"Ah."

"Any more stupid questions?"

"Not right now, no." The pirate replied as they headed towards the steps.

They made it to the Foundry before the mob caught up with them. Bethany was surprised they had managed to get that far, as they hadn't been especially quiet. Four slightly drunk people and a heavily armoured guard tended to make some noise. Unfortunately there was more than ten. Either Aveline had grossly miscalculated, or the angry people with swords had picked up some stragglers along the way.

"Bloody, buggery, bollocks!" Isabela cursed as she unsheathed her daggers, then she turned to the two mages. "You know what to do."

Bethany grabbed Merrill's hand, pulling her farther into the alley and Varric moved so that he was between them and the front line. She aimed her staff at a nearby thug and threw an arcane bolt his way, once he was distracted Aveline knocked him with her shield. Two clusters of archers grabbed her attention and she concentrated on her elemental spells, making it rain fire and Merrill added to it with a lightening storm.

One by one they picked off each attacker, and once it was over they caught their breath, revelling in the calmness. Isabela was the first to start pillaging, as usual, and as the pirate got on with that, the rest of the party took in the carnage. There were at least twenty bodies, most of them dressed like the usual thieves and bandits they came across, but a handful of them wore proper armour. Aveline nudged one of them onto his back with her boot and she bent down to take a closer look. She removed the scarf he had around his neck and wiped the blood from his breastplate.

"I know this emblem. It's from one of the noble houses." The guardswoman turned to Marian with a furrowed brow. "Why were _they _ after you?"

"Beats me. I don't recognise them."

_Her sister is a terrible liar._

"Oh, I do." Merrill put up her hand. "I've seen them help that nice lady who sells the potions."

_Lady Sodding Elegant._

"Hawke, what did you do to piss her off?" Varric asked as he put Bianca away.

_She didn't like Lady Sodding Elegant._

"Nothing!"

_She really didn't like how Marian and that woman would sneak off together when they were still working for Meeran_.

"I smell bullshit."

_Elegant wouldn't want Marian hurt. But a husband whose wife has been unfaithful would._

"I second that."

_They'd all just risked their lives because her sister had to have her end away!_

"You stupid bitch." She spat out the words like a bitter taste. "I can't believe you."

"Bethany!" The slap across her face stopped Marian from saying anything else.

"Don't! Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it." She clenched her fist and decided it would be best if she just walked away. There were raised voices behind her, accusations being thrown about, Isabela and Aveline calling Marian every name under the sun. She could still hear them as she went passed the Hanged Man.

"Sunshine?"

She stopped but didn't look at him. "Varric, I'm angry, I'm drunk and I'm a mage."

It wasn't a threat, and he understood that. "Okay. But if you need to talk after you aren't at least one of those things, you know where I am."

"Thanks."

When her sister eventually got home, she pretended to be asleep; it seemed easier than outright ignoring her. She was still angry at Marian for what she had got them into, but she was also angry at herself because she hadn't been able to stop her jealousy from taking over.

She felt a hand stroke her cheek and then heard a whispered, "I'm sorry."

Those words didn't fix everything, if they fixed anything at all, but she knew her will was weak when it came to her sister. She pulled the blankets over and Marian climbed in next to her. "Goodnight Sister." She said as she took hold of the warm hand that had just rested on her stomach.

"Goodnight Bethy."


	5. Chapter 5

**Lothering – Second of Umbralis 9:27 Dragon**

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The rain was light, but Bethany couldn't feel it. All she felt was numb, with the exception of her hands, one being held by Mother and the other by Carver.

Marian was sitting on the sodden grass with her knees up to her chin, watching Fathers pyre burn as it floated on the water. It was the first time, in a long time that she has seen her sister cry. It was strange because it made her seem so young. She forgot that Marian _was_ only young, all her life her older sister had been just that. Older.

She had to take on huge responsibilities as a child, and Bethany always wondered whether or not her sister ever resented the pressure her parents put on her. Or worse, if Marian resented _her_ for having to protect her instead of playing like normal children did. Or for helping Mother and Father to pack as much as they could before fleeing yet another village, because _she_ had lost control of her magic.

Now, all Bethany saw was a child who just wanted her father back.

The Revered Mother recited a Canticle from the Chant of Light and everyone bowed their heads.

This wasn't the way Father wanted to be sent into the next life. He always told them that he wanted to be buried, like the Elves, with an oak sapling planted above him, so that new life would grow from his end. It was a romantic idea; he knew that to keep her magic secret they would have to do it the Chantry way, so they didn't draw attention to themselves.

There were quiet sobs coming from the crowd of grievers behind her. Father had made a name for himself in Lothering as a good man, a kind man, and a charming man. For as long as Bethany could remember, women would tell Mother what a catch she had in Malcolm Hawke, and ask where she had managed to find the only perfect man in Thedas.

He was the perfect father too. In her eyes at least.

As the pyre drifted out farther, Lug let out a mournful howl, and she wasn't sure if the Mabari knew what exactly was happening, but she was sure that he knew that his friend was in pain.

"I'm going to the Chantry." Mother said, letting go of her hand. "You two stay with your sister. The three of you need to be together now."

"What about you?" Carver asked. "She'd come in if you ask her to."

"No. I'll just be dealing with condolences; none of you need to be there for that. Just keep each other company."

"Okay." Bethany gave her mother a hug, and her brother followed suit.

The two of them watched her walk towards the Chantry slowly, she hated seeing her mother look so forlorn, it was like the life was draining out of her, and there was nothing she could do.

She wiped away the rain and the tears from her face, and leaned into Carver, resting her head on his chest. "What are we going to do now?"

"I don't know." He answered. "The four of us need some time to grieve for a little while. But we will get through this, the Hawke's are strong." He put his hands on her shoulders and gently moved her back. "Right now though…" He smiled softly and looked over to their sister, "We just do what Mother said, and keep each other company."

He took hold of her hand again, and she let herself be taken to the patch of ground her sister was sitting on. The two of them sat either side of her, and Marian leaned her head on Bethany's shoulder then took hold of Carver's hand, and he squeezed it, like it was the only thing that was keeping him grounded.

It was a relief to know that they did care about each other. With the constant bickering it was hard to tell.

"We should plant the tree anyway." She said.

"It won't be exactly what he wished for, but he'd still like that." Carver agreed.

Marian said nothing. She hadn't spoken all day.

Bethany turned around to look at the oak tree behind her. It was a good tree; they'd spent many days climbing it as children. Father had carved his and Mothers initials into it, along with many other couples, and Lug marked his territory on it all the time. "We should take one of the acorns from our tree."

"We could plant it by the porch." He looked to their sister. "What do you think?"

"I think Mother should decide." Marian's voice was rough, and the war hound barked at the sound of his mistresses' voice and she patted him. "Good boy."

They fell into a silence after that, their clothes were starting to get soaked and they didn't move until the rain became heavier, and the ground had started to turn to mud.

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><p>Lothering wasn't known for its picturesque landscape, it was quite dull in comparison to many other places, but for a short time during the day, while the sun was setting, it was very beautiful. The events of the day had marred its beauty this evening though, and Bethany wasn't sure if it would ever look the same again.<p>

She was sitting on the swing seat, swaying back and forth, twirling Marian's hair around in her fingers. Her sister was laying down with her head in her lap with her eyes closed and she looked almost peaceful like this. Even though they all hurt right now, she wished there was a way to take Marian's pain and add it to her own, it wasn't right seeing her like this.

From the corner of her eye she saw movement in the garden, and a familiar wolf came into her line of sight, and sat down in front of the step. The creature had been to the house several times before, ever since she had found it with an arrow in its side and she had healed it. It wasn't like any wolf she had come across before, its black coat and golden eyes made it distinctive, but it was the way it behaved that made it seem odd. "Today isn't a good day." She told the wolf. "Perhaps you should come by another time."

The animal stood up, looked at her for a moment and then walked off towards the Wilds.

"Who are you talking to?" Carver asked as he walked out of the house holding a candle and then placing it on the barrel they used as a table.

"Nobody. Just an animal."

"I don't see anything."

"She told it to go away." Marian mumbled and rubbed her face.

"I see." The boy replied quietly, then he craned his neck to look at something that was out of sight. "Mother is back."

"Is she alone?" Her sister asked sitting upright and Bethany felt the cold from the lack of body heat and shivered.

"No, but it's only a Chantry Sister."

"Good." Marian stood up and rolled her shoulders. "I'll make some tea."

When their mother reached the house, she thanked the Sister for accompanying her and went to sit by her younger daughter. "Thank the Maker that's over with." She said as her whole body relaxed. "Where's Marian?"

"She's making tea Mother." Carver answered as he took a seat on the porch railing.

"Has she spoken?"

"She has." Bethany reassured.

"That's a relief. How are you two?"

"You don't need to worry about us Mother."

"Of course I do. Nothing will ever stop me worrying about the three of you. No matter how old you are, you'll always be my babies. No matter how strong and capable you become, I will always take care of you." She stopped when Marian walked out with four mugs, and she took her beverage with a smile. "I am so proud of my children, and your father was too, he loved the three of you with all his heart. I remember when he held you all for the first time and he cried, it made me love him more. Silly really, isn't it?"

"No." Marian shook her head and stood next to Carver. "Anything that can add to the love you already have for someone isn't silly."

"I hope the three of you are as lucky as your father and I. Not everyone finds the person they're meant to be with." Their mother took a sip of her tea and sighed. "The truest of love is something you have to work for. In those stories we told you as children it came so easy, but it can't be like that. Not really. Malcolm and I gave up a great many things to be together, we had to overcome the hardest of obstacles, but because we were together, none of it seemed that difficult."

"Was it harder after you had us?" Marian asked as she pushed herself off the railing and squeezed in next to Bethany on the swing.

"No, quite the opposite in fact. The bigger our family got, the easier it became."

"What about when we had to leave somewhere because of me?" Bethany felt her sister pull her closer when she asked the question.

"Nothing was your fault Darling. Whatever happened, happened for a reason, it led us here. None of those other places felt like home the way this little village does."

She wasn't sure if she believed that fate had brought them here, but it was as good a reason as any. "I suppose."

"There's no suppose about it. I know things are going to be different from now on, but there are so many happy memories here."

"There are." Carver agreed.

They stayed outside talking until the candle had burned out, and when that happened they all went into the house and sat by the fire, telling each other stories about Father. Some were about his wicked sense of humour, something that Marian had inherited. Other tales were about how kind he was, and how brave. The three siblings enjoyed hearing their mother tell them about the man he was before they were born. The persistent young mage she fell in love with. The man she ran away with. And how she wouldn't change a single thing.

After Mother had gone to bed, Carver asked if he could stay in their room for the night. Any other day their sister would've laughed at him, but this wasn't any other day. He crawled into the top bunk, while she and Marian shared the bottom. The silence in the room as they tried to sleep made it impossible not to hear their mother crying next door, and this was the sound that made Bethany sob. All day she had controlled herself for Mother, for Carver, for Marian, but she couldn't stop it now, and when her sister held on to her and rubbed comforting circles into her back, it just made it worse, but Marian didn't let go.

She'd never understood grief until now. And she never wanted to experience it again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Kirkwall - Third of Frumentum 9:31 Dragon**

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Marian had strictly forbidden Bethany from visiting Anders alone. Everyone else was fine, even Fenris, not that she'd want to, but not Anders. She had never been given any kind of reason as to why she wasn't allowed, it was, as far as she could tell, Marian just being bossy.

So, in a fit of childish petulance caused by still being annoyed at her sister about the incident involving Elegant's guards three days ago, and the fact that Marian had chosen to take Isabela and Merrill to help Aveline investigate the ambushes with the guardsmen, and not her, even though Aveline was practically family, she decided that she was going to visit her fellow mage, and her sister could bugger off.

Anders had offered to help her improve her healing magic, so why shouldn't she? Surely something like that would be helpful to know. And who better to learn from, than the one people call 'The Healer'?

These thoughts passed through her mind as she stomped her way through Lowtown, however, when she reached Darktown, she suddenly realised that she'd never actually been there alone. Every time she had been down here, even if it was only with her sister, they'd been attacked. For a moment she considered just running back to Gamlen's, but that might cause more attention than she wanted. Her best, and probably only course of action, was to walk very calmly towards the clinic, with the meanest don't-mess-with-me face she could make. Which Carver always described as looking like a constipated rabbit that was mildly irritated by his current bowel problem.

Makers balls, she was going to die here, and it was all Marian's fault!

"Bethany!"

She turned cautiously, and sagged with a degree of relief at the sight. "Tomwise."

"Hawke not with you?"

"I am capable of leaving the house without her you know."

"Okay." He said raising his eyebrows and shifting his glance awkwardly.

"Sorry." She shrugged. "I'm having a bad day." _Or three_. "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"That's fine." The elf waved her apology away. "It's just strange seeing you without her. Especially here."

"I thought it was a good idea at the time. That is until I got here, and realised I hadn't fully planned this through. Have you ever done anything like that?"

"Frequently. You wouldn't believe how many times I've woken up naked and tied to a pillar outside the Viscounts Keep because I haven't thought a plan out properly. I once woke up in Cumberland, married to a crone. She was very nice, kept me clothed and well fed. But I had to come home. I do think of her sometimes. Often when I'm cold and hungry." He gave her a smile.

Bethany chuckled. "Tell me Tomwise, is alcohol ever involved in your unprepared plans?"

He leaned forward. "I think you know me well enough by now, to know the answer to that question."

"So 'yes' then."

When he nodded in response, she had to look away.

She and Tomwise had become friends while he was doing a job for the Red Iron company. He was surprisingly sweet considering he dealt in poisons and spent most of his time in Darktown, but there was something she could never get passed, that distracted her no end, and that was his remarkably floppy ears. Sometimes, if he was particularly animated when he spoke, it reminded her of Lug when he gets excited. She had tried to ignore it, Maker she had tried, but it looked so… Cute, so she had to look away and bite her lip to stop herself from laughing. She didn't know what he thought when she did this, but if he suspected, he never said anything, and she was grateful for that.

"What was your plan then Miss Bethany?"

She took a breath and turned back to him. "I'm sorry?"

"Your reason for coming down here to the catacombs."

"Oh! I was going to see Anders."

"Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?"

She shook her head and smiled at his concern. "No I'm fine."

"I'm glad to hear that. If you ever need it, I have a particularly unpleasant concoction that will cause someone to have oozing pustules and their eyes to bleed. But I only offer this to you."

"Is that because you know I wouldn't take it, or because it doesn't exist?"

"Both!" He grinned. "It does exist in my head though."

"Well, that's a start."

"When I finally figure out the ingredients, I'm using it on that damnible potion maker."

Bethany snorted. The reason they became friends in the first place was because they bonded over their dislike of Elegant. Although for entirely different reasons. Even before she became a sodding lady, Elegant was a snooty bitch who always talked down to the elves, so Tomwise had legitimate grounds to hate her stupid guts. "She has guards now you know."

"I'm well aware." He frowned. "It's just a pipe dream anyway." With a sigh, he stepped out from behind his table of poisons and stood next to her. "As you are my very favourite Hawke. Please don't tell your sister that. I will escort you to the healer myself."

He held out his arm, and she linked hers into it. "You don't have to."

"This will be my good deed for the day."

"If you insist."

Once they had reached the mage's hideout, he bowed with a flourish. "And here we are, safe and sound."

"Thank you Serah." She mimed a curtsy.

"A pleasure." He winked, and made his way back to his stall.

As she stood in the doorway of the clinic, she realised that she'd actually prefer spending time with Tomwise. He was less… Angsty. But going to see Anders would piss off Marian a lot more.

Maybe her sister didn't like him because he was such a bastard to Merrill. Yes blood magic was bad, and she didn't like the idea of it either, but the young elf was so sweet, she couldn't imagine her being possessed and turning into an Abomination.

Which Anders actually was! He was a bit of a hypocrite when it came down to it. And that is a very good reason to not like someone.

She thought about turning back, but her friend had already gone, so she walked in instead. The mage was healing a young elf girl. The woman she assumed was the mother, was sitting on a crate, worrying her bottom lip and rocking back and forth with her arms folded on her stomach. Anders was holding his hands over the girl and she could see the concentration in his face. When she saw him like this, he reminded her of Father. In fact he had a number of traits that made her think of her father, but he had mentioned that before Justice, he was quite apathetic to anything that didn't involve him. So she didn't know if he really was as proud as he seemed about having his magic, or if it was the spirit that he shared his body with that made him think that.

The elf mother cried when her daughter sat up slowly, and Anders accepted the woman's hug when she had jumped up and wrapped her arms around him. She offered him some coppers but he turned them down and she and her daughter walked out, passing Bethany with big smiles.

"Is Hawke with you?" Anders asked bright eyed.

"You can see she isn't." She answered in a growl.

She wasn't going to apologise for that one. Even though Marian constantly berated him, occasionally threatened him with violence and was sometimes outright disgusted when she spoke to him, he still liked her. At least with Anders she had no worries that her sister would ever reciprocate his feelings, Merrill and Isabela were another matter altogether.

"Okay." He sighed. "Was there something you needed?"

"You offered to train me." _Which you probably only said because Marian was there, and you want her to like you._

"Of course. Yes. Come in."

"Thank you." _And she won't like you that way because you're an Abomination. And she likes boobs_.

"I know you know the basics, so perhaps we should start with minor injuries. Like a broken bone."

"That's sounds good." _And you don't have any boobs. But I do. So there!_

"Excellent! I was hoping you would take me up on the offer. It will give us some time to talk, without anyone trying to kill us I mean." He smiled.

"Talk about what?" _Marian? Urgh, stop being childish. He's trying to be nice._

"I don't know. I don't get the chance to talk to other mages very often."

"What about Merrill?"

"She doesn't count."

"I see." _Change the subject. Change it now before you start calling him names_. "Maybe we could start talking about broken bones, and see where that leads us."

"Fair enough." He gave a throaty chuckle. "This may sound strange, but the first thing you have to do is picture the bone in your mind, then you have to picture the break. When one of the Senior mages told me this, I laughed at her. She may be an interfering old busy body, but Wynne knows about healing like no other mage I've met."

"It doesn't sound strange at all. It makes sense actually."

"Good. I don't have to worry about you thinking me a fool."

"No." _Not about this anyway_.

It turned out that Anders was a very good teacher, and she was surprised how easy he made it. If she made a mistake he didn't get irritated with her, he was extremely patient and seemed to be enjoying the whole thing.

If he started talking about her sister, she would change the subject. If he talked about Merrill, or blood magic, she would change the subject. If he brought up Templars, she would change the subject. If Fenris came up, she would let him grouse because she'd already thwarted quite a few of his conversations, and the moody elf could be quite irritating. Varric and Isabela's escapades were also topics she would happily talk about. When he kept to the subjects she cared about, he was very pleasant, and you could almost forget the parts about him that weren't very nice. Like when he got angry and had a blue glow. Which wasn't as pretty as it sounded.

"I think we can safely say, that you have it." He gave her an approving look. "If you'd like, next time we can go into some of the more gruesome wounds that can happen."

"Gruesome how?"

"Ever seen the insides of someone on the outside?"

"No." She scrunched up her face. "I don't think 'like' is the right word, but it is something that could be useful."

The two of them looked over to the doorway when they heard a familiar bark of annoyance.

"Maybe Isabela, if you had waited like I told you to before you began your pillaging, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Could you cease your shouting for one second? I have a gaping wound here."

"A wound that could've easily been avoided, if you had listened to me."

"Ooh, look at me, I'm Hawke and I know everything."

It was at that point that she and Anders actually saw the two women, who had been arguing so loudly the whole of Darktown could hear them.

Marian gave her companion a scowl. "You mock me, and yet I'm the one without a stab wound."

The pirate rolled her eyes as she limped into the clinic, but smiled when she saw Bethany. "Ah, look, the more pleasant Hawke sister, who actually likes me."

"What are you doing here?" Marian strode up to her.

"I was helping her with her magic." Anders said quickly, and with a flush.

Her sister barely gave him a glance before the focus was back on her. "I told you not to come here alone."

"Why?" She snapped.

Marian grabbed hold of her hand and dragged her out of the sanctuary away from Anders and Isabela. "Why? Because it's dangerous down here. There are people who would kill you as soon as look at you. And that _Thing_ in there isn't any safer. You've seen what he is, what he becomes. Just because he seems harmless doesn't mean he wouldn't turn on you, and if he ever hurt you… Why did you come down here?"

Bethany bent her head. "I'm sorry. I was upset with you."

Her sister sighed and drew her closer. "No, I'm sorry. I keep making these mistakes, and everyone else pays for it. I knew you hadn't forgiven me for what happened the other night. No one else has. I'm sorry I haven't taken you on any jobs either. I was afraid."

"Of what?" She asked wrapping her arms around her sisters waist, and rested her head on her shoulder.

"The thought of you being so mad at me, has had me, distracted. What if I couldn't stop something from happening to you? Look at Isabela. I should've seen that coming."

"She's pretty resilient. And I'm quite a powerful mage I'll have you know. You don't always have to protect me."

"Yes I do. I promised Father I would. I failed with Carver, I can't fail with you."

Bethany lifted her head, and moved her hands to cup Marians face. "You didn't fail."

Her sister gave her a sad smile. "I did. Mother was right, I should've stopped him, and I didn't."

"You couldn't have stopped him, he made his choice. Him, not you. Mother is wrong to blame you."

"She isn't. And I can't risk losing you too. I just can't. I've thought about it, about what would happen if I fail again, with you, and there's only one thing that _would_ happen. I would be lost. You are the best part of me Bethy, the only part that actually matters, and if you weren't here, then I would be nothing."

Bethany looked into her sisters eyes, they were sad and tearful but they were honest. She couldn't stop herself from pressing her lips to Marian's. It was only for a moment, but in that moment her heart pounded so hard that she was certain it would beat right out of her chest, and it took all of her will to pull away from it. "I love you." She breathed.

"I love you too." Marian replied, pulling her back into a tight embrace.

Everything else could disappear around her right now, and she wouldn't care. This was where she belonged and nothing would ever change that.


	7. Chapter 7

******A/N: There's very little information about Feast Day, so I made it up!**

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><p><strong>Lothering – Twenty First of Cassus 9:27 Dragon<strong>

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"BETHY!"

Her name being shouted into her ear made Bethany sit bolt upright in bed. "What?" She asked sleepily, and looked at her brother and sister blankly, trying to work out why they were so bloody cheerful.

"Time to get up." Carver prodded her.

"It's still dark outside." She groaned. "And it's cold. My bed is toasty warm, I want to stay here."

"Well, you can't." Marian yanked the covers away and threw her clothes on top of her. "It's Feast Day Sister. A day for joy, and being with our family, having so much food we explode, giving and receiving presents. And waking up before dawn in the bastard freezing cold to prepare some of these things, and if me and Carver have to do it, then so do you."

"No." Bethany grumbled, and collapsed back onto her bunk. "Can't make me." She grabbed the dress that had been thrown, and pulled it around her like a blanket.

"Oh really?" Her sister asked in a tone that said, 'Challenge accepted'

Before she knew it she was being straddled by Marian, who grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head. For a moment she thought she was still asleep, because this had happened many times in her dreams. The fact that her sister's face was now only a few inches above hers, and Marian wasn't wearing anything on her lower half, except for her small clothes, made Bethany's breath catch in her throat. But then she felt her side being tickled by Carver, and any bubbling, anxious feelings her body was experiencing were immediately dissipated by that.

"Get off!" She squealed loudly, kicking her legs and trying to squirm away from the torture.

"First you have to submit." Her brother told her.

Tickling was a weakness for Bethany; she almost always caved within seconds. "Okay. I submit!" She yelled, and then relaxed when Carver ceased his abuse and Marian let go of her arms. She gave both of her siblings a stern look, and asked, "Why are you two always so cruel to me?"

"It's in the Siblings Rule Book." Her sister gave her a soft smile as she sat up. "Rule number two: Any and all opportunities to torture a younger sibling, must be taken advantage of."

"But Carver is younger than me!"

"By half an hour." The boy sulked.

"Still means I'm older." She stuck out her tongue.

As her brother moved his hands towards her in an attempt to tickle her again, Marian swatted them away, and pointed a finger at him. "No, play nice."

The three of them turned to the doorway when they heard a cough. "I assume that the two of you are done harassing your sister?" Their mother received nods in response and she sighed shaking her head. "Carver, could you chop some wood please? Marian, the goose needs plucking as soon as possible, if you could do that once you've released Bethany. Thank you. And Bethy, it's time to get up." Then she left the room.

"I have to use your mill gloves." Carver told the eldest Hawke as he stood up.

"Why? Where are yours?"

"Lost them."

Marian made a 'tsk' noise. "I suppose it's lucky for you that you have tiny girl hands so you're actually able to borrow them."

"I do not have girl hands; it's that you've got shovels where hands should be."

"Mmm hmm." Their sister smirked, and Carver grunted as he snatched the gloves from the dresser and stormed out.

For the entire exchange between her siblings, Bethany hadn't taken her eyes off of Marian.

She had always found herself drawn to the way her sister carried herself. As children she envied how graceful Marian was, even when beating up Carver, Bethany considered herself clumsy and awkward and wished that she could be just like her sister. Of course, recently, she had been watching for entirely different reasons.

For half a year, she had been captivated by Marian's curves and bumps, but also her face. In fact, that was the thing she found herself staring at the most. Many people, when first meeting Marian, would be intimidated by her, before she'd even spoken. Bethany had tried to see what it was that made everyone so wary, and she came to the conclusion that it was her facial bone structure, and the intensity of her eyes. The combination of those two things could, she supposed, be described as severe. She never thought of her sister that way though, she saw someone who was soft and kind.

But since Father died, the light in her had dimmed. She pretended that she was fine, except at night, when they had gone to bed. She only allowed Bethany to see how she really felt.

"You have the easiest task it seems." Marian said with a quiet chuckle. "I would rather it if you had to pluck a goose, and all I had to do is get dressed."

"It is actually not that easy right now. As you still have me trapped."

Marian looked at how she was still straddling her sister and gave her a shrug. "You're very comfortable." She told her, then linked her fingers with her sister's and lowered herself down, resting her head on Bethany's chest.

Marian's soft breathing was caressed over her skin, and she attempted to cross her legs, which she managed to do, but that in turn made her sister move further up her body, and lips were now touching her collarbone. Her usual trick to try control what was happening in the pit of her stomach was to clench her fists repeatedly, but she couldn't do that because Marian was holding her hands. So she went with her second option. Recite the Canticle of Transfigurations in her head.

She'd just finished the first verse, when Marian spoke.

"We have to make today special Bethy. This is our first Feast Day without Father, and Mother needs to know that she can rely on us."

"I know." She said and brushed her thumb over her sisters palm.

"Your heart is beating so fast." Marian lifted her head and frowned. "Are you feeling unwell?"

"No, I'm fine."

Her sister let go one of her hands and placed it on her forehead. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course I am."

"You don't feel like you have a fever."

"That is because I don't have one."

"There has to be a reason why your heart is racing."

_There is, but I can't tell you because you'll never speak to me again._ "Maybe it's because someone is lying on top of me, preventing me from breathing as easily as I usually do."

Marian lifted herself up on one elbow, still wearing her frown. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because," Bethany grabbed her sister's nightshirt, pulling her back down. "I'm willing to suffer a little for the people I love."

Neither one of them moved or spoke again until Carver came back into the room, and told them to shift their arses.

"I don't understand why we have to have Feast Day on theSatinalia solstice." Her sister said as she put on her trousers. "There's a solstice in Summerday season, why can't we have it then? When it's nice and warm."

"Tradition?"

"It's a stupid tradition." Marian looked around the room with a furrowed brow, as if she'd lost something, then pouted and walked out the door muttering something about gloves.

Once she'd got dressed, Bethany walked out into the kitchen where Mother was preparing the vegetables, and Lug was sitting next to her.

"What would you like me to do?" She asked.

Her mother looked up at her with a smile, and patted the chair next to her. "Come help me peel these. I'd ask your brother or sister to do it, but they're both so over zealous and end up wasting half the vegetable by hacking at it like it's their sworn enemy."

Bethany laughed as she took a seat, and gave the Mabari a fuss. "Someone's going to be getting a whole lot of bones later. Yes you are." The hound wagged his tail happily, and gave her a gentle woof.

She picked up a knife and looked at the table, which was full of carrots, potatoes, cabbage, peas still in their pods, and parsnips. Just the thought of peeling all of them, gave her hand cramp. But it was worth it.

She loved Feast day ever since they came to Lothering, before then it was just another day. They moved here only a month before the festival, and none of them thought they would be celebrating, but on the morning of Feast Day, their neighbours came knocking on the door and told them that everyone had made extra food especially. Marian and Father were suspicious, Carver was excited at the prospect of free food, and Mother smiled and accepted graciously. By the end of the night, no one had their doubts that this was the place they belonged. That this was their home now.

For Bethany, that first festival was the one she held closest to her heart, because it was the first time she had ever seen her whole family relaxed and happy.

This year was going to be tough though. It wasn't just Marian that was putting on a façade, they all were. Mother still cried at night, and she'd even caught Carver doing it. Sometimes she just wanted to stand outside and scream. Scream at the Maker for breaking her family. Scream that it wasn't fair. Father was the soul of the family, without him everything seemed so empty.

But she didn't.

This year _was_ going to be tough, but she was determined to make it bearable.

"Who is making the puddings this year?" She asked as she placed a potato she had peeled into a bowl.

Her mother paused briefly as she thought. "The Chardon's and Thatcher James."

"Oooh, that's going to be awkward. Marian doesn't like Bess Chardon."

"I'm sure she'll be civil today. I'm not sure why she doesn't like her though, Bessie is such a nice girl, wouldn't hurt a fly."

There was a bang at the door, followed by Carver yelling, "Let me in." And Bethany got up to open it.

Her brother's face was obscured by a large pile of wood, and she took a few from the top so he could see where he was going.

"Thank you." He grinned then slowly moved towards the hearth and dumped them unceremoniously onto the stone.

"Carver, how many times?" Their mother scowled.

"Sorry, they were digging into my hands."

"Maybe next time you could make two trips, instead of attempting it all at once."

"He couldn't do that." Marian said as she walked in. "He has to prove that he's manly."

Bethany turned to look at her sister, and hurled the logs she still had in her arms on top of the pile already made by her brother when she saw blood coming from Marian's lip. "What happened?" She asked, walking to the cupboard they kept the bandaged in, and pulled out a small cloth.

"There was a particularly stubborn feather."

"She punched herself in the face." Their brother snorted.

Bethany heard her mother chuckle as she dampened the cloth in the water basin, and made her way to the patient. "Hold still." She ordered when Marian jerked her head away.

"Okay." Her sister mumbled.

"You've always got to get into a fight haven't you?" Carver said as he picked up a parsnip to peel it, and had it smacked out of his hand by Mother. "Even with dinner."

"But at least I won!" Marian held up the bird triumphantly.

Bethany pushed down the arm holding the plucked bird so it didn't hit her in the face. "My hero." She said sarcastically.

Her sister leaned in and whispered, "Always." In her ear.

She wiped as much blood off the cut lip as quickly as possible, and gave her sister a brief smile. "All done." She said, and went to rinse the cloth out, squeezing the rag over and over again in the water.

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><p>With arms full of delicious smelling food, the four of them left the house at midday to make their way to the Chantry. As soon as they walked out of the door they came across Thatcher James and his son Arden, Lug ran over to the young James boy immediately and started bouncing around him.<p>

"Your son has certainly got a friend in the hound." Mother said, watching the two play.

Thatcher laughed. "I agree. He keeps telling me that he hopes a Mabari chooses him one day."

While Mother and Thatcher talked, Bethany noticed Carver starring over at the stables, when she followed his gaze she saw what he was looking at.

Her brother often bragged about spending a lot of time with quite a few girls, that he didn't actually care about, and she used to get angry at him about this, and he'd tell her to mind her own business, and bugger off. She used to worry that he was going turn into one of those caddish men that would leave a woman when he got bored, or if she got into trouble. That is, until she spotted him loitering around the stables one day with a bunch of roses in his hand, so she snuck up and hid behind a tree and saw him present the flowers to Marly, an elf girl who lived in one of the small barns on the outskirts of the village.

When she questioned him about it that night, she expected him to say that she was yet another one of the girls he was friendly with, but he admitted that they were courting, and that every time he told her he was going to see some random girl, he was actually going to see her. Marly's father didn't like her spending any time with humans, let alone anything of a more physical nature, so they had to meet in secret. Marian had walked in during the conversation, and he begged them both not to tell anyone. Not even their parents. Both sisters swore they would tell no one.

"Ree." She nudged her sister without looking.

Marian inhaled loudly. "Careful Bethy."

When she turned, she remembered that her sister was carrying the goose on a large platter, the cooked bird was sliding a little and she quickly put a finger on it to prevent any messy accidents. "Sorry."

"No harm done." Marian watched the goose intently for several seconds, just in case it decided to make a run for it, and when she was satisfied, she gave Bethany her full attention. "What was it you wanted?"

Bethany pointed and when her sister realised what she was pointing at, she smiled. "Brother!"

Carver spun around and glared at her. "What?" he snapped.

Ordinarily, Marian would react to his tone of voice, but this time she didn't. She moved close to him and said, "Swap with me."

Their brother looked down at the greasy plate in her hands and then to the bowls he was carrying. "No." He answered simply.

"I'll make it worth you while."

"You haven't got anything I can't already steal off you."

"I wasn't thinking about any kind of object. Marly's father is in charge of the mill right? Well I know for a fact that he's working today, and he's supposed to be finishing in an hour. You swap with me, and I will make sure he's there for another three."

"How?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

"I know that mill like the back of my hand; I also know there are certain things that can make the wheel stop working inexplicably. I do it sometimes when the dust starts hurting my chest, and the sod won't give us a break."

"How do I get out of the feast?"

"We'll cover for you." Bethany told him.

He bit his lip and frowned. "Why would you do this? The Chantry isn't that far away, you are perfectly capable of carrying it there."

"Why does it matter why I would do it?"

"You're never this nice to me, what are you up to?"

"Nothing!" Marian's yelled, and then sighed. "Carver? Do you care about her?"

"Yes." He answered without hesitation.

"Then for a few hours you can be with someone who makes you happy. After what we've gone though over the last few months, we all deserve to have that. Whether you like it or not Brother, I do actually love you."

"I love you too." He said putting the bowls he was holding down on the ground. "Thank you." He relieved his sister of the platter and carefully walked in the direction of their mother.

Marian picked up the dishes and looked at Bethany. "Is there anyone you'd especially like to be with? I can make it happen. I'm like the Feast Day fairy today."

"I'm already with who I want to be with."

Her sister gave her a wide smile. "Me too."

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><p>The Chantry looked like it did every year, with red, green and gold decorations all along the walls and ceiling. The pews had been moved to either side of the many large tables that filled the hall, and the tables were decorated with coloured candles and holly. Even with her childhood behind her, Bethany felt happy when she saw it in all its colourful splendour.<p>

Carver made it back in time to open presents. She and Marian had told their mother that he was feeling unwell, and when he came back a few hours later, he said all he had needed was a nap, and now he felt better. She couldn't tell if their mother believed him, as he looked far too happy for someone who was supposed to have been sick.

He ducked under the table and came back up with a sack and placed it on the table. He looked to Mother, and she nodded. The handing out of the gifts had been Father's job, and now it was his turn.

He removed the presents from the bag and carefully put them in four neat piles of three. He picked up the first lot and handed it to Mother, then Marian next, then Bethany and finally himself. None of the gifts were expensive or extravagant, they were simple tokens from a family that loved each other. And that was enough.

It was well after sundown when they finally finished every course of the meal, and people were either ready to go home, or go to the tavern. She, Marian and Carver decided that they needed to loosen every item of clothing in the comfort of their own house, while Mother took up the offer to have a drink with the Chardon's.

The evening was brisk, and Bethany rubbed her arms to warm up. "I'm so stuffed."

"Me too." Carver said. "But that doesn't mean I can't make room for some of Thatcher's pudding when we get back."

Her sister made a retching sound. "I couldn't even look at food right now, how can you eat more?"

"I'm a growing lad."

"Keep that up, and the only thing that'll be growing is your stomach. And then I will call you Lard-arse."

"Not going to happen." He said airily.

"Well, you must've had a nice time earlier. You're not even rising to the bait." Marian laughed.

"I did." He answered, and put an arm over his older sister's shoulder.

"Glad we could help."

"So, what did you do to the mill?"

"I'm not telling you that. If I do, you'll be using it all the time, and then he'll catch on. And we'll both be buggered then."

"Fair enough." He removed his arm, and ruffled Marian's hair. "Last one to the house cleans the dishes." He shouted, and ran off.

"I'm not running." Marian said. "I can barely walk."

"He cheated." Bethany pointed out.

"He did!"

"He'll pay for that."

"Yes he will. But not right now. All I want to do is collapse somewhere. I don't even care where."

By the time they got home Carver was already tucking into the pudding. "You lose." He said with his mouth full, and a bit of fruit fell out onto the table.

Marian said nothing, she just slapped his forehead as she walked passed him and headed towards their bedroom. Bethany wagged her finger at her brother and he grinned in response, showing her his dessert covered teeth.

"Lovely. Thank you for that."

"You're welcome." Came the muffled reply.

"You know, Lug came in after us, so technically, he was the last one in. He should do the dishes."

"But he got no fums."

"Yes, thumbs do help."

She went into the room her sister had entered and saw her laid out in the middle of the floor, with her shirt halfway over her head.

"That looks cosy." She said sitting next to Marian. She took that opportunity to look at the exposed skin, without her sister noticing.

"It isn't. Apparently it needed more energy than I actually have to take it off."

"Would you like me to help?"

"I would forever be in your debt My Lady."

She put her hand on Marian's toned stomach for a moment, before taking hold of the hem and moving it up and over her head. It would've been easier to pull from the sleeves, but temptation got the better of her.

"Much obliged." Her sister said once she had been freed.

Bethany got up to fetch Marian's nightshirt and held it out.

"You're going to have to help me up."

She knelt down, taking her sisters hands and yanked her into an upright position, then lifted her arms and dropped the shirt over the appendages.

"You're too good to me."

"Yes I am." Bethany replied.

Carver walked in and quirked an eyebrow. He placed a bottle and three mugs onto the dresser, and then grabbed hold of Marian and put her on the bed in a sitting position.

"I could've done that myself."

"Really?"

"It might've taken me a few hours, but yes."

"Now you don't have to worry about it." He smiled and fetched the bottle and mugs and handed one to each sister.

"What's that?" Bethany asked cautiously.

"The wine I stole from Dane's."

"Is this the one from before, or are you back to the thieving again?"

"Before." He replied, taking a seat on the bunk and pulled out a knife to break the seal.

Bethany looked to Marian for answers, but her sister spread her hands in confusion. "Carver, what are you doing?"

"Trying to get this bloody wax off."

He finally accomplished his task and poured out the wine into each cup. He cradled his for a while and it looked like he was building up to something, and the two sisters waited silently.

"I miss him." He blurted out. "Every day. Sometimes I don't think about him until I go to bed, and then I feel like I've failed him because I didn't remember him earlier. What kind of a son forgets his father? I try so hard to be strong, but there are times when it gets too much, and I can't breathe." He hung his head low, maybe from shame, or perhaps weariness.

"As if you're being buried alive."

He turned to Marian. "Yes."

"Carver, you aren't alone in this." Bethany told him as she took a seat next to him. "None of us are. We each gather up all the strength we can, but it isn't always enough. We're a family damn it! Father told us we were stronger together than apart, so from now on, we have to stop pretending that we can handle it alone, and ask the people we love for some of their strength. Okay?" Her tangent was directed to both siblings, and they both agreed to her terms. "Good."

They knocked their mugs together and downed the liquid in one.

The rest of the night was spent drinking, talking and toasting the man none of them could forget.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I get the occasion bout of insomnia, and the last few weeks has been one of those times, I never feel very creative when that happens.**

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><p><strong>Kirkwall - Ninth of Frumentum 9:31 Dragon<strong>

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"Could I have everyone's attention please?" Guardsman Donnic shouted to the room. "I would like to make a toast to our new Guard Captain…"

Isabela groaned loudly as she leaned back in her chair, and turned to look at Bethany with a roll of her eyes. "I'm already bored."

Bethany giggled as quietly as she could, but she still got a scolding look from Guardsman Brennan. "You don't have to be here, you know." She pointed out.

"Neither do you."

"True, but I want to be here."

"Really? I'm surprised you're in the party mood, considering..."

Bethany gave Isabela a brief frown, and then sighed. "Well, I'm not especially in the mood. But I'm here to celebrate my friends rise in the ranks."

"We could just sneak out." The pirate leaned in conspiratorially. "No one will notice."

"Apart from Marian." She countered.

"Hawke can piss off. Has she even apologised to you?"

"No." She shook her head. "Fine. You win. We'll leave in a bit."

"Attagirl." Isabela laughed and rubbed her knee.

Bethany looked over to her sister who was standing in the doorway of Aveline's new office, with her arms folded across her chest, and glaring at the Rivaini woman. It seemed that Marian's mood had not improved over the last hour, and she wasn't sure why she was surprised at this.

Her sister's mood had been a vile one all day.

It started out first thing this morning, when they had woken up to find Anders in the main room of Gamlen's house, talking to Lug about how much he missed his cat. It was strange, certainly, but it didn't warrant the reaction he got.

Marian needed to be eased slowly into the mages' company, after their conversation the other day Bethany had managed to convince her sister that he wasn't _all_ bad, and the spells he could teach her would be beneficial to know. But having him there before she'd even rubbed the sleep from her eyes was too much for the elder Hawke, and she told him to get out, and never come back. Bethany thought that it was a tad dramatic, and when she told Marian this, she was snapped at for her trouble.

Then after a strained breakfast, she and Marian, along with Fenris, Varric and Aveline, had gone back to the Bone Pit to collect the remains of the creature they had killed over a week ago. Apparently dragon bones were worth a great deal of coin, and according to a smith in Lowtown they could also be used for amour and weapons.

Even before they had left the city, her sister was already arguing with Fenris. Marian really should've known that taking him along would inevitably lead to anger; the elf was incapable of keeping his mouth shut when it came to his hatred of magic, and although it upset Bethany, it always seemed to upset her sister more. With the threat of having his head lobbed of, he changed the subject to something less annoying, but by then, Marian's mood had darkened so much that she didn't speak to anyone without a snarl for the rest of the journey.

When they got home she fought with Mother about taking Bethany along on her trip, and then she and Marian argued about going to the Amell estate. Bethany knew that gathering coin to go on this expedition was important, but her sister had been putting this task off for months now, and if they were ever going to find out what their grandfather actually put in his will, they needed to do it before they left for the Deep Roads. Marian told her in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to do it today, and then she stormed out.

She decided to go to the estate without her sister, opting to ask Isabela, Varric and Aveline to come along with her instead, and to her relief they agreed. To the Void with Marian if she thought that she was going to wait for her to be ready. Damn the consequences. No matter what anyone did, her sister would be angry, this dark cloud that has been following her around for years, blaming her for things that were beyond her control, has made her hard to be around, and it has become worse over the last few days.

Since the day she declared her love in fact. But Marian couldn't have known that particular 'I love you' was any different from all the other times she had said those three words.

Unless she did.

Of course the consequences to her actions were far worse then she'd anticipated. Marian outright refused to talk to her when she found out she'd gone without her, and she'd sort of expected that, but it wasn't just anger she saw in her sisters' face, it was disappointment too, and that made Bethany's heart break the most.

She groaned at this thought, running a hand over her face and she felt Isabela tugged at her sleeve.

"I think it's time we got out of here." The pirate said as she stood up.

Bethany nodded and followed suit. As they walked towards the steps, she could see her sisters gaze on her from the corner of her eye, and it took all she had not to look back as they left the party.

"So what shall we get up to?" Isabela asked as they walked out into the main entrance hall of the Keep.

"I'm just following you, it's your choice." She shrugged.

"Now, that's put some thoughts in my head." Isabela grinned.

"If they're naked thoughts, then I'm saying 'no' to that right now."

"Oh Sweetness." The pirate whispered in her ear. "We don't _have_ to be naked."

She grunted her disapproval and gently pushed her friend away. "Behave!"

"Okay, okay." Isabela pouted. "But only because I'm pretty sure Hawke would kill me."

"Very likely." She agreed.

Marian was convinced that Isabela intended to deflower every virgin she met, and had warned Bethany not to spend too much time alone with her. Not in the same way as Anders, because even though the Rivaini woman was a known thief, her sister actually trusted her. Not with a woman's virtue mind you, but definitely more than the mage.

"There's a dwarf in Lowtown that has a back room card game. Think you're up for that?"

"I don't have the coin, or the skill for that."

"I do! You can be my lucky charm."

"Why don't I just go home, and you can go and play cards."

"No! My girl needs cheering up. We'll think of something."

* * *

><p>After going to Darktown to pick up Anders - who was the only one of Marian's companions to skip the party - they ended up at a stall just off from one of the alleyways near the Alienage. Bethany was almost certain that a shop that was still open for business this late was probably up to some shady stuff, but they did sell some very nice trinkets and clothes so she decided to ignore the reservations she had. And even if something untoward happened, she wasn't alone.<p>

"Could you explain to Hawke that it wasn't my intention to intrude this morning?" The mage asked awkwardly after the pirate had left them to talk to the man she presumed was the owner.

"I'm not sure how much that would help; she isn't really talking to me right now either."

"Oh." He said dropping his shoulders.

"I'm sure she'll forget about it in a few days." She reassured him, hoping he'd believe the lie.

"I hope so too. She's quite an impressive woman. She's also a pretty strong ally to mages."

"And completely out of your league." Isabela chuckled as she came up beside them. "How does Justice feel about your little crush on her exactly? I bet he lectures you about it non-stop."

"He doesn't approve." Anders admitted. "But then he doesn't approve of any kind of distraction from the path I'm on."

"He sounds incredibly dull. And someone who wouldn't like me at all."

"He doesn't." The mage said shaking his head. "But I do, if that makes you feel any better."

"Do you honestly think I give a flying fig what your other half thinks of me?"

"No." He laughed.

"And you'd be right." Isabela smiled, and turned her attention to Bethany. "Seen anything you like here?"

She picked up a silver bracelet and let it dangle from her finger. "This one."

The pirate snatched it away from her and held it up to the stall owner. "I'm taking this one Shep."

"Righty-ho. I'll see you for that thing tomorrow?"

"Yup." She nodded at the man, and then took hold of Bethany's hand, fastening the bracelet around her wrist. "I think we should go for a little drink in the Hanged Man while we think of something else better to do."

"You didn't have to get this for me." Bethany said, looking down at the silver band.

"Has it cheered you up?"

"Yes."

"Then that's a good reason to get it for you." Isabela told her with a wink. "Come on."

"Don't I get anything?" Anders asked as they made their way to the tavern. "There was a nice looking pair of gloves there."

"I only had the one favour from Shep, and I hate to break it to you Mage," The pirate smirked at him. "But she's much prettier than you."

"Well, I can't argue with that." He agreed. "She's definitely a Hawke woman that's for sure."

"Absolutely! Have you seen Leandra's attributes?" Isabela waggled her eyebrows.

"That's enough!" Bethany shouted, before the mage had a chance to reply. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about my mother like that."

"Shame. There's quite a bit of her to talk about." Anders chuckled, and she punched him in the arm as her response.

She spotted him and the pirate giving each other a knowing look, and shook her head. The two of them were incorrigible.

After a minute or so of walking, she noticed a smell coming from the area. There was always some kind of smell around here, but this one was new. "What is that?"

Anders frowned, lifted his head and inhaled deeply. "Something's on fire."

"It's probably just the Foundry." Isabela waved her hand dismissively.

"No." He said firmly.

They heard a scream coming from near by, and she decided to investigate. As she ran off, she heard the Rivaini swear, but chase after her anyway, followed by Anders. The first thing she saw as she rounded the corner was a small house on fire. The second thing she noticed was her sister dragging a boy away from the burning building, while Varric and Merrill helped the folks in the courtyard.

"Sister!" She yelled as the three of them drew closer.

Marian turned when she heard Bethany call out, and gently placed the boy down on the ground. "There's someone still in there." She said as she strode up to them, and stared at Anders for a moment. "You know that ice spell too?" She asked, and the mage nodded. Marian acknowledged this and turned her attention back to her sister. "I have to get the boy's sister. Be ready to get the flames under control when I come out."

"You shouldn't go in there!" Bethany barked. "It's too dangerous."

"I'll be fine, Bethy." Her sister gave her an almost imperceptible smile, one only she would notice, and reached around the back of her head, removing the neck scarf that she wore. "I need to borrow this." Marian told her as she tied the red scarf around her face and then walked off towards the building.

"She's the grumpiest hero I've ever met." Isabela announced as Marian disappeared into the flames.

Bethany didn't say anything, she was too worried. Why did her sister always have to be the person who did this kind of thing? She breathed out and moved closer to the burning house, the magic on the tips of her fingers, ready to be used as soon as her sister exited. Anders came up beside her and his face was stony, like it always was when he was building up his mana, Isabela stood on the other side of her and squeezed her fingers. "I'm not much use here; I'll help Kitten and Varric."

Bethany nodded, and waited.

The seconds dragged on for hours as far as she was concerned, and she tapped her fingers rhythmically against her staff, playing out one of the sea shanties the pirate sung when she was drunk. She needed to have something to concentrate on, and this seemed to do the trick.

When they were in Lothering, Bethany really didn't have to worry about her sisters life, because she hardly ever put it on the line. It was only when Marian joined the Kings Army did she start to think about the danger that she put herself in, but Bethany never saw her in any battle to know just how heart-stoppingly awful it was to someone you love almost die. Since coming to Kirkwall, that's all she ever saw, and it gave her no end of stomach pain.

As soon as Marian came tumbling out of the house, she lifted her staff and aimed it at the fire, Anders joined her almost immediately and the two of them made short work of the fire, the ice surrounded the flames, holding it in like a prison, and the whole thing looked strangely beautiful.

Once she was sure that the fire wouldn't spread, she bolted over to her sister who was bent over coughing, and she rubbed her back. "Are you alright?"

Marian nodded, and once her body had stopped trying to bring up a lung, she stood up straight, wiping the tears from her eyes with Bethany's scarf and then gazed at the house in front of her. "Pretty."

Bethany's brow furrowed at her sister's reaction and she moved to stand in front of her. "Marian?"

"Mmm, hmm." Her sister responded lazily. She looked like she was barely staying awake, and her skin had paled considerably.

"Something's wrong with her." Bethany told Isabela as the pirate walked over to them.

"Hawke?"

"Yeah?" Marian grinned.

"How you feeling?"

"Good." The grin remained.

"Hawke, were there plants in that's house that look a bit like Elfroot?"

Marian held her breath and stared off into the distance for a second before exhaling. "Yes." She bobbed her head. "Lots of them."

"Why are you asking her that?" Bethany scowled at the pirate. "Why is it important? Is she going to be alright?"

Isabela sucked at her teeth. "Sounds like they had Sativa plants in that house."

"That still hasn't explained anything to me!" Her voice raised a few octaves.

"Keep your smallclothes on Sweetness. The good news is, she's fine. The bad news is, she's probably going to be a handful for the next few hours."

"Why? What's wrong with her?"

"Sativa is a plant from Rivain, it's," Isabela hesitated with a grin, "Used as medicine and, uh, recreation."

"Wait. Hawke's high?" Anders laughed.

"As a kite." The pirates' grin widened, until she couldn't contain her own laughter.

"This isn't funny!" Bethany scolded them.

"I beg to differ, Sweetness."

"Isn't armour strange?" Marian asked to no one in particular. "I've just noticed that I'm walking around with large bits of metal strapped onto my body, and it seems odd."

"For Andraste's sake." Bethany rolled her eyes, and grabbed hold of her sister. "We're going home."

"We don't have a home, the Darkspawn took it." Marian sulked, snatching her arm away from her sister's grasp, and then she brightened up when Merrill and Varric joined them. "Do either one of you have any food on your person?"

"No." The dwarf answered slowly. "Why?"

"I'm very hungry."

"I have some at home." The elf added.

"Excellent! Then we're going to the Alienage." And with that, her sister marched off towards Merrill's house.

"Have we missed something?" Varric quirked an eyebrow as he watched the older Hawke sibling walk off.

"Apparently, she inadvertently inhaled some sort of drug." Bethany answered, and began to follow her sister when she lost sight of Marian as she disappeared around the corner. It was probably a good idea to keep an eye on her sister while she was in this state. As she walked off she heard Merrill say, "Ooh, fireflies."

"That isn't fireflies Kitten, that's burning ash."

"Marian!" She called out, and her sister stopped abruptly and collapsed against the nearest wall.

"You and Anders did really well." She said as Bethany leaned beside her.

"Thank you." The young mage replied, a bit shocked that Marian called the mage by his actual name, rather than _The Abomination._

"When we were children, I used to spend hours trying to get magic to come out of my hands like you did. For years I did it! I finally gave up when I was thirteen, and you fell over that day, and cracked your head. You were lying there in front of me and I tried to heal you while Carver went to get help, but nothing happened, obviously, except I cried a lot. When you woke up after Father healed you, you had us all worried because your memory was all wrong. Remember that?" Marian asked, giving her a timid smile.

"No." She laughed. "I still don't.

"Be glad. It was horrible."

She looked at her sister for a beats as she processed what she had just said. "You never told me you wanted to be a mage before."

"I've never told anyone. It was just a fantasy, because I knew the reality of being an apostate. But even though I gave up trying, I never stopped wanting to be like you."

Bethany smiled. "I'd say I wouldn't wish this magic on you, but honestly, I think you'd embrace it more than me."

Marian pushed off the wall and stood in front of her. Bethany had to smile at the sight in front of her, with one eye half closed and a childlike frown, her sister looked adorable. "You should be more proud of what you have. You're just like Father. Carver and me were so jealous of the connection that the two of you had."

"I am proud, but I would rather my power be from the sword I wield, like you."

Marian snorted. "We're a pair! Both want what the other has."

_More than you know. _"I suppose that's just life."

"Yeah." Marian said sleepily, and took off one of her gauntlets. "You have smoosh on your face." She told her, and placed her armour free hand on Bethany's cheek to rub off whatever was there.

She felt a jolt at the contact and tried to move her head away, but she was already against the wall and had no where else to go. "You know, I've been washing myself for years now, I can do that on my own."

Her sister paused, but kept her hand where it was. "That's because you're a capable young woman. You don't need me at all."

Bethany saw the sadness in Marians features; she didn't want to be the cause of that. "I'm sorry I went to the estate without you."

Her sister gave her a half smile, and moved her hand away from her cheek to her forehead. "Don't apologise" She said as she traced her finger lightly across Bethany's brow. "I deserved it." She moved her fingers slowly down to her cheekbone, then across her cheek. "I haven't been very pleasant to be around."

Bethany knew in the back of her mind that she should just remove the hand, but she couldn't. She was unable to move at this moment in time, not that she was trying very hard. She was mesmerised by Marian's eyes, they were darker than usual, and were following the trail of her fingers that were now grazing across Bethany's jaw. The young mage only shifted her gaze when Marian licked her bottom lip and then took it between her teeth.

"Why?" She asked, remembering that her sister had said something, and she wanted to try and take her mind off of her sensory overload.

"Gamlen is an arse." Marian leaned in closer and brushed her fingers against Bethany's lips, then moved down to the dip above her chin.

"Yes." Was all she could say. Under any other circumstance, even if they were in the heat of battle, she would've asked for a bit more detail than 'Gamlen is an arse' Because that wasn't exactly a shocking revelation.

"Your skin is so soft. Feels nice."

"Mmm." She turned her head as her sisters hand travelled down her neck, then her collarbone. Her breathing almost stopped as the fingers travelled further down.

"Hawke! You are bordering on inappropriately touching your sister." Bethany heard Varric shout and froze in place.

"Bordering?" Isabela chuckled. "She's passed the border and is already in another country."

Marian let her hand drop, stepping back slightly and the pirate flicked her on nose as the companions walked passed the two of them. "Come on Hawke, I thought you wanted something to eat."

Her sister watched the group go by and then turned back to Bethany. "Bethy?" She whispered.

"Yes?" She answered quietly.

"Do you think Merrill will have any cake?"

Perhaps it was due to her emotions being all over the place, or it could have been Marian's absolute sincerity about wanting to know if there would be cake, or maybe both, Whichever it was, made Bethany explode with laughter. It was so uncontrollable, that when she attempted to join her friends, she almost collapsed, but Anders managed to catch her in time.

* * *

><p>"At least she had cookies." Marian said as they walked into their shared room at Gamlen's.<p>

"Indeed."

The six of them had spent a few hours at Merrill's house and her sister ate almost all of the food that the elf had in her larder. After she had regained control of herself after the laughing fit, all Bethany could do was think about her sister's touch. Did it mean something? No, she couldn't hope for that. But what was it?

Isabela said that this plant changes peoples perceptions and senses, and that her sister probably did think that she incredibly soft skin. It was also, much to the pirate, and everyone else's delight, a little like a truth serum. It was something about inhibitions being lowered, or something, all she knew was they all, with the exception of Bethany, took advantage of this, and asked a great deal of questions. It was possible that she learned more new things about Marian tonight than she thought possible. Things like, she spend quite a bit of time starring at Isabela's breasts and she wanted Varric to wear a shirt. Also, Merrill was cute, and Anders was a good man, but she didn't like it when he became Janders.

Part of her wanted them to stop asking questions, but another part of her wanted them to see that she wasn't as much of a bitch as she seemed, and by the time they left, she was sure that their opinions of her had changed, in a positive way.

As she got into her nightdress, she heard a thud, and turned to see that Marian had tripped over the giant pile of dragon bones that took up a fair bit of the floor. Her sister grinned at her and struggled to get onto her bed, and took off the last of her armour. "I hadn't fully realised how much room these bones would take up." She said as she removed her second boot, and laid back on her bed.

"I hope they'll be gone soon." Bethany replied and tiptoed over to Marian, avoiding the obstacles on the floor. "When will you be seeing the smith?" She asked as she climbed under the blankets.

Marian moved onto her side so that they were face to face. "Tomorrow."

This was a bad idea, she should be in her own bunk, but it was a compulsion. She had to be close to her. "Good." She nodded her approval, and turned onto her stomach to blow out the candle, then returned to her position.

"Bethy? Was the estate nice?"

"Yes. And really, really big."

She felt one of her sisters arms slide underneath her pillow, and the other on her waist, pulling her near. "We've almost got the coin to do this. Do you think we'll be happy there?"

"Yes, but I'm happy wherever you are."

"Me too." Her sister chuckled, and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. "Goodnight."

Marian was snoring quietly within minutes, but Bethany was kept awake from her thoughts and the warm body against hers. She was never going to get this out of her system, and she didn't want it to. Reliving that memory of Marian's fingertips over her skin was something she knew she wanted to experience again. Everyday in fact, for the rest of her life.

.


	9. Chapter 9

**Lothering – Nineteenth of Pluitanis 9:28 Dragon**

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"Now listen," Marian began seriously, staring down at the army in front of her, "We're down to the last of our ammunition, but so are they." She lifted her head and peered over the trench, then quickly ducked back down. "Soldiers, this is our final stand, there have been many battles over the last few hours, but this moment, right now, is the _war_. We have lost a few good people along the way, but they went down bravely, and this could be that time for us. But fear not, we have more courage in our hearts and more strength in our arms than they will ever have." She scanned the faces in front of her and took a deep breath. "Does anyone have any final words?"

"Ari? I need a pee."

"You need to work on your rousing speeches, Joel." Marian shook her head and smiled at the boy, then turned to Bethany. "Can you call for a break?"

"Of course." She smiled, picking up the wooden spoon and banged the milk churn next to her. "Privy break!" She shouted, and a mass of cheers rang out from both sides of the small battle ground.

It had finally stopped snowing last night after eight solid days, and it had taken Marian and Carver barely an hour this morning to wage war on each other, and find themselves an army. It wasn't especially difficult as they'd been doing this for years and already had their loyal soldiers ready to fight for them. In fact, quite a few parents already had their children wrapped up warm and ready to go when her siblings came knocking on the door, they looked forward to the Hawke Family Snow War, as it meant that they could have some peace and quiet after being cooped up for days, or sometimes weeks.

Bethany never got involved in the battles, instead she preferred to sit comfortably on the porch, wearing many layers of clothes, and tend to the wounded, which mostly consisted of giving someone a scarf and a mug of tea. She always enjoyed to watch though, everyone looked like they were having fun, especially Lug, who would constantly try to catch the snowballs in mid-flight. Sometimes he'd manage it and then look confused, or as confused as a dog can look, when they melted.

Most of the army ran off to their homes, except for Elvi, one of the many village boys who had a crush on Marian, and she watched as he smiled at her sister, then walked off behind the house and came back a few seconds later with a bunch of flowers, and thrust them into Marian's hand. "Happy birthday." He said quickly, then ran off.

Ordinarily, Bethany immediately hated anyone who liked her older sister and she was perfectly aware that it was because of her jealousy, but that never stopped it. However she found she couldn't dislike Elvi, not just because he was a nice boy, but because he was twelve.

Marian stood staring at the flowers with a bewildered look on her face and then laughed as she made her way onto the porch, taking one of the Snowdrops out of the bunch before putting it on the make-shift table, and put it in Bethany's hair. "At least someone cared enough to give me something for my birthday." She pouted, and blew on her hands.

"I told you, we got you something, you just have to wait for it." Bethany rolled her eyes and pulled the flower from her hair to smell it. "That was very sweet of him to do that."

"He told me that when he's older, he wants to marry me, but he knows that it won't happen because that's _ages _ away, and I'll already have found someone by then."

"Aww. He's cute."

"I don't know. I think the main reason he wants to marry me is so he can tell people he has a Mabari."

Bethany laughed loudly. "He's still a child; a War Hound is the best thing ever at that age. Give it a year and he'll be more interested in your boobs."

"Such as they are." Marian mumbled. "I hope this war ends soon, my fingers are so cold I can barely move them."

"It's because you're getting old, you're circulation isn't as good as it used to be." Bethany smirked.

"I am not old." Her sister grumbled. "And you'd be cold too if you spent half a day throwing snow."

"I'm sure I would," She took Marian's hands and began rubbing the warmth back into them. "If I were a warrior like the two of you. Or as childish."

"It isn't childish; it's an important lesson in commanding an army."

"Playing in the snow is a life lesson? I had no idea!"

"That's because you don't participate."

"I prefer to be warm."

Carver walked onto the porch and stomped his feet to remove the snow from his boots and gave the two of them a confused frown for a moment before shaking his head. "There are easier ways to warm your hands up Sister. Gloves for instance. Or can't you put them on yourself because of your creaking old bones?"

"Oh, come on!" Marian huffed. "Is this what I'm going to get all day?"

"Yes!" Both twins said in unison.

"Did you two just decide when you woke up that you were going to be brats? Or was there some sort of plan?"

"Bit of both really." Their brother shrugged.

"Children." Marian scowled, and folded her arms.

"We can't all be ancient like you. Well, I'm going in for a drink." He gave them a slight nod and went into the house.

Marian glared at him as he walked out of sight, then set her eyes onto Bethany. "Please tell me that he was the instigator of this, being mean to me, thing."

"Yes." No, actually it was her idea, and Carver was more than willing to help out.

"Bethany!"

"What?"

"You are a terrible liar."

"Oh." She chuckled. "Yes it was me. What are you going to do about it?" She raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

"Nothing. But only because you're my favourite."

"There's a good chance I took that into consideration." She beamed.

"I have no doubt about that." Marian smiled softly, and removed her hands from her sister's then snatched the blanket Bethany had on her lap, wrapping it around her shoulders. "There are some advantages to being 'Old' you know."

"Like arthritis, a failing memory, an uncontrollable bladder and pinching children's cheeks?" Bethany listed each one off with a finger.

"Don't push your luck." Her sister narrowed her eyes, but couldn't stop her smile.

Bethany held her hands up defensively. "Many apologies Sister. Of course you'll have forgotten all of this conversation soon enough. Then you'll need to use the privy too, but you won't be able to get up without all of your bones making horrible noises!"

"Keep this up, and Carver will be my favourite."

"How did you manage to say that with a straight face?"

"My cheeks are frozen."

"I hope you aren't expecting me to warm those up too." Bethany was only a terrible liar when she chose to be.

Marian chuckled and stood up abruptly. "No."

She stiffened at the suddenness of her sisters movement. There were times when she worried that her feelings for Marian were more obvious than she was aware of. She did try and not let them show of course, but it wasn't as though she could ask outright if she was being subtle. So she had to do the next best thing, and ask a more indirect question. "Are you alright?"

Her sister pursed her lips and shook her head. "I need a pee." She frowned at Bethany's amusement. "This is your fault."

"No, it really isn't." She said, shaking her head. "You should hurry, you might have an accident."

Her sister pinched her cheek as she went into the house and Bethany picked up the blanket that had dropped on the floor, it was still warm and it smelled of Marian, so she held it close to her chest. She scolded herself for this action, but that didn't mean that she would stop.

Her less than sisterly feelings had become stronger and stronger over the last few months, and part of her wanted them to just go away one day. And that was the problem; it was only a part of her. She knew it was wrong, but she still indulged in her carnal thoughts, and she had found an excuse most nights to sleep in the same bed. She would touch her, even if it was only on the arm, just so she could feel her skin. Not all of it was soft though, her hands were calloused from her sword practice and working in the mill, but Bethany found them fascinating, on occasion she would get lost in the sensation and Marian would accuse her of daydreaming, which she always went along with, because the alternative was so much more horrifying.

Whenever she felt that her control was slipping, she would act like an obnoxious sister to counteract it, and it was easy enough, she just copied Carver. Today was one of those days.

Marian had been so very sad since Father died, which was understandable, but she used to find the humour in everything, sometimes in highly inappropriate situations, and it bothered everyone, including Bethany. But now she actually wished for her sister to shout 'Andraste's Tits!' in the Chantry or laugh whenever Lug relieved himself on anyone who stood still long enough. She knew there was a chance Marian would be her old self today, because she always loved her birthday, actually she loved everyone's birthday, and no one really understood why.

But this birthday was the year she was eighteen, and that was when you were finally seen as an adult, so it was a special occasion. They had been planning for her party since the beginning of the month, and Mother had wanted it to be a surprise party, but that was never going to happen. There were so few people here in Lothering, that when someone turned eighteen, the whole village banded together to help out with food and drink.

Usually the party started around late afternoon, and would sometimes not end until daybreak. Bethany suspected that this would be the case for Marian's, she was popular and more importantly, Danal had donated five barrels of ale, she didn't know what her sister had done for him to give that much, he normally only gave out a small keg.

Everyone was going to have a good time tonight, there was no question about that, but there was something that was niggling her, and that was about what comes after. With Marian being seen as an adult now, would that mean she wouldn't want to spend time with her? That was something she had to just not think about right now.

"Here." Carver held out a mug. "Brought you some tea."

"Thank you." She smiled, taking it from him.

He leaned the large stick he was holding against the railing, and gave her a wicked smile. "When she comes out, tell her there's a cane to help her with her hobbled walking."

She attempted to stop herself from laughing, but failed, and the tea she's taken a large gulp of dribbled down her chin. Her brother offered absolutely no assistance; he walked off towards his side of the battlefield across the road, telling her she needed a bib.

She groaned and stood up, some of it had gone down the blanket she'd been holding, but most of it went down her front. She went into the house and held out a warning finger to her mother, who looked like she was about to say something… Motherly, like 'You should change out of that before you catch a head cold'

"I'm changing now." She said before her mother had a chance to say something.

"Okay Love."

As soon as she walked into her bedroom, she removed her tunic, wiped away the drink and threw it in the basket.

"Nice shot."

She squealed and spun around to see her sister in an even less state of dress than she was. "Maker's Breath!" She blurted. "Why were you hiding?"

Marian cocked a brow. "I wasn't, I was getting changed."

"Right. Of course. You just startled me." She had to force herself to look her sister in the eye, and nowhere else. But she could still see enough from her peripheral, so she was happy to keep her current position.

"I swear that was not my intention. However, considering how much more of you and Carver's abuse I'll be putting up with today, I think it was worth it."

"Speaking of, he left you a walking stick outside just in case your haggard old body can't sustain itself."

"Did he now?"

"Mmm hmm." She grinned, and then remembered something. "Oh, so what was this advantage of old age that you mentioned?"

"Now you want to know!"

"Of course."

"Fine. I can join the army now."

"What?" It came out louder than she was expecting, and she felt her entire body run cold. She stepped closer, whispering harshly, "No you can't!"

"Why not? It's what I want to do."

"I don't care."

"You don't care?" Marian snarled. "It really isn't up to you whether I do it or not."

"And what about us? You're just going to abandon us here are you? We need you now more than ever, and you know that!" She snapped, poking her sister in the arm.

"I'm going to wait until the Summer, but I _am_ going. I would've thought you would be the one person to encourage me."

"What in Thedas would make you think _that?" _She asked as she balled up her fists_._

"Because you're the only one who has nothing to lose with me going. Carver will be angry that he can't come too and Mother will be upset because she wants us all to stay here forever."

Bethany felt the sting in her eyes and bit her lip hard. "You're being selfish." She said in a dangerously low tone.

Marian didn't respond, she just closed the gap between them and put her thumb on Bethany's lip, rubbing gently, and when she pulled her hand away, she could see the blood. "Bethy."

She said her name so softly it made her want to scream, so she pushed her away instead. "You're wrong. I have everything to lose if you leave, because you _are_ everything." She regretted saying that as soon as the words left her mouth, and began to sob, covering her face with both hands.

"Don't cry." Her sister pleaded quietly, and held her tightly.

She struggled a little to get out of the embrace, but even now in her anger, the warm skin touching her own felt too good not to have.

"I'll miss you too." Marian said softly, and her sister's breath danced across the shell of her ear.

She moved back slightly as she removed her hands from her face. "But not enough to stay."

"No." Marian bent her head. "I need to do this, and it won't be forever."

"What if something happens? I can't lose you."

"Do you have so little faith in my skills? I'm a mighty warrior!"

"Stop being funny, I'm very upset with you right now."

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't want you to hate me that's all."

"You know I don't. I just can't understand why you _need_ to do this."

"It's not something I can explain. Maybe someday, but not now."

Bethany wanted to tell her sister that was the most ridiculous excuse she'd ever heard, but Marian moved a hand from her back and snaked her fingers through her hair, pulling her into her chest. She couldn't fight it, or didn't want to. If her sister really was going then she had to take every opportunity to be close to her.

She removed her arms that were awkwardly squashed between them and wrapped them around Marian, then leaned into the body. There was no internal argument with herself when their small cloth clad breasts pressed against each other, or when she gently stroked the small of Marian's back, or as she let her sore lip keep contact with the smooth shoulder, she just let herself be enveloped.

"Hurry up fogey!" Her brother shouting made her jump and squeeze her sister tighter.

There was a thump on the door, followed by Mother saying, "Carver! No throwing snowballs in the house."

Marian gave a throaty chuckle. "We should probably get going. There's a war to win and a party to get to."

Bethany nodded and slowly pulled away without breaking contact. She placed her hands on her sister's chest, drawing circles with her fingers. "Yes, I suppose we should." She smiled, and stepped out of her sister's space. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, and as the tears began to well up she turned away, and she had the sudden realisation that these feeling she had were love, not just the kind that sister's have, but the kind that their parents had, except she was the only one that felt it.

"Bethy?"

"Yes?" She didn't turn to look at Marian. She heard footsteps come closer and her sister placed a tentative hand on her arm.

"You're everything to me too."

Tears fell silently, but she smiled. It wasn't everything she wanted, but it was more than she'd hoped.


	10. Chapter 10

**Kirkwall - Tenth of Frumentum 9:31 Dragon**

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A strange crunching sound brought Bethany out of her slumber and a flicker of light through her eyelids compelled her to open them. A candle was lit and she saw Marian in only her small cloths, sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, scribbling on a piece of parchment with a lump of charcoal, while munching on a carrot.

"Still hungry?" She asked croakily.

Her sister looked up and grinned happily at her. "Hello. I am famished! Do you remember that boy in the village who ate so many carrots he turned orange? What was his name?"

"Willum?"

"That's the one. How many would you have to eat before you get like that?"

Bethany shrugged. "A lot." She sat up, swung her legs from the bed and put her feet on the floor. "How long have you been awake? It's not even light out."

"Don't know. My stomach growling woke me up. I ate all the bread, and the eggs, and the ham."

"I see. So what are we going to have for breakfast?"

"There'll be some workers at the docks soon. I'll get something from them." Marian pushed herself part way off the floor and then collapsed back down with a thud. "Ow."

"Oh yes, you are certainly in a perfect state to go wandering the streets at night." Bethany shook her head as she got up and walked over to where Marian was sitting, and crouched down in front of her, letting her gaze wander over her sister's toned body.

"What are you implying exactly? I've wandered the streets at night many times!"

"Ah, but, you're not… yourself right now." She placed one of her hands on the floor and bent slightly to look at the parchment, then put a finger from her other hand in the middle of the paper and spun it around to look at it the right way, and lifted it up.

It was a drawing of a boat on the sea, possibly at night; her only indication of that was a star in the sky. The image was fairly simplistic, except the cabin on the boat had a leaf on the side. She didn't like the immediate thought she had at seeing the picture, as boats are generally only associated with one person they knew. "It's very pretty." She said without sincerity.

"Thanks, I worked hard on it." Marian hadn't picked up on her tone.

Bethany put the drawing back down and stood, holding out her hand for Marian to take. "Does it mean anything?"

"It's a secret." Her sister replied with a smile and took the proffered hand.

Bethany yanked Marian up roughly and let the appendage drop once she was vertical. "Right." She nodded curtly.

She didn't want to feel the burning jealousy she had, it was irrational and being aware of it wasn't helping. How could she compete with Isabela? The pirate was more forward with what she wanted, she had a sultry charm, her rhythmic, swaying hips could distract most people, and her breasts were the most impressive she had ever seen. Then, of course, Isabela wasn't Marian's _Sister_. Why would she even bother competing?

"What's the matter?" Her sister asked, tilting her head like a puppy.

"Nothing." She gave her a forced smile.

"I don't believe you. Is it your heart?"

Bethany snorted quietly. Marian was under the impression that her heart was unnaturally fast, because whenever her sister listened to her chest, that's how it sounded. And the only reason it would beat so rapidly, was because Marian was so close. And that is what happened when the older Hawke grabbed hold of her, pulling her closer, and clumsily bumped her head against her breast. "My heart is fine!" Bethany said with a hint of panic, and tried to pull away but she always forgot how strong sister is, and she kept the grip, forcing her cleavage to get squashed into Marian's face, and her entire body tensed up.

"You see, it's beating fast." Her sister said without moving. "And it's getting faster."

_Well, of course it is! _ "It's nothing. Can you let me go now please?"

Marian dropped her arms, and straightened up. "Maybe we should go and see Anders about it."

Bethany relaxed. "Right now?" She smiled.

"Why not?"

"Because we might die. And there really is nothing wrong with me. I think the cookies we ate at Merrill's gave me a heart burn."

Marian squinted at her unconvinced, but accepted it. "Very well." She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout, and sighed.

Bethany gave a crooked smile and put her hand on her sister's cheek, brushing her thumb over Marian's lip. "Stop sulking. We can still go to the docks."

Marian grinned and kissed her thumb. "This is why you'll always be my favourite person."

"Of course it has nothing to do with you being able to manipulate me with your sad little face." She cocked her brow as she removed her hand, savouring the tingling sensation from her sister's lips.

"No." Marian gave her an offended look. "It has nothing to do with that. It's because you love me more than anyone else."

"I do." She nodded.

"I suppose it's lucky that I love you more than anyone else too."

"Yes. I suppose it is."

* * *

><p>They managed to get to the docks, barter with the shore men for some bread and eggs and a small square of the fancy, smelly Orlesian cheese Mother likes, and get back to Gamlen's without being attacked. It was an honest to goodness miracle. So naturally Marian decided to push this luck by convincing her to go to the Hanged Man.<p>

Three steps from their Uncle's hovel and it started pouring down with rain, and it would've been so easy to just go back inside. But no. Her sister just _had_ to go to the bloody tavern, although why this was necessary at three o'clock in the morning was anyone's guess. She couldn't just let her go alone though, because luck only went so far in this damned city, and they were bound to get jumped at some point tonight, and she thought it would be a good idea to bring Lug along too.

She wondered why these thugs always attacked. Surely word had spread about Marian and her well armed friends; she'd left a long enough trail of corpses in her wake for people to avoid her. But maybe no one knew what she looked like because everyone who did attack them was now dead. It was hard to pass on important information when you no longer had the ability to breathe.

"Can we hurry it up? I'm getting soaked." She grumbled.

"It's only water." Marian said, still walking at a leisurely pace. "I like the rain."

"I know, but I don't."

"What's not to like?"

"It's wet."

"Exactly." Her sister replied in a distracted tone. "Is that Aveline?"

Bethany squinted at the figure standing outside the Hanged Man. "Looks like it."

"Guard Captain Aveline!" Her sister shouted in a deep voice, and the woman in question turned to look at who had bellowed out her name.

The scowl on her face only barely disappeared when she recognised who it was. "Hawke! Keep your voice down." She whispered harshly.

When she and her sister reached the woman, Bethany asked quietly, "What's going on?"

"There's word of a slaver ring, an informant of mine said they were supposed to be meeting here in the market, but there hasn't been any sign of them. Maybe they won't now anyway, thanks to your sister's yelling."

"Relax Guard Captain Aveline," Marian smiled, "You'll get them; you always do. Even if that means bringing in an outside source to help out. Like us, for instance."

She stared at the older Hawke with a mixture of annoyance and curiosity. "Are you drunk?" But before Marian had a chance to answer, she shook her head. "No, you're not. I can tell by how you aren't swinging between morose and snarly." Aveline turned her attention to Bethany with a cocked brow. "So what's wrong with her?"

"Sativa."

The Guard Captain puffed out her cheeks and rolled her eyes. "She was at the house fire earlier?"

"We were, but only she went in."

"The report said that there were two apostates who put out the fire, that was you and Anders I assume?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"It was a good job you were there then. The flames would've easily spread to the rest of the houses. You saved a lot of people a lot of suffering."

"We do good work." Her sister blurted out, loudly.

Aveline huffed, but gave a small smile. "I can't argue with that." She walked over to the steps of the market and whistled a short tune, then three guards came out of the shadows and she waved them away. "We'll have to try again another night lads."

"We're going for a drink." Marian took hold of the Guard Captain's arm and dragged her towards the tavern.

"Hawke, I'm not really in the mood."

"Come on! We'll have a good time!"

She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped, and looked at Bethany. "I have to say, I've never seen her like this, I wasn't sure she even knew what a 'Good Time' was."

_The same could be said about you, Aveline_. She thought, but just chuckled as a response.

"Oh, all right." The Guard Captain shrugged. "What harm could it do?"

"That's awfully close to 'What could possibly go wrong?' you know." Marian snorted as she opened the door.

Bethany had never enjoyed walking into the Hanged Man as much as she did right now. She gave a quick wave to Isabela, who was perched at the bar, and went to sit at the table by the nice, warm fire, and rubbed her hands together. Lug lay down on the hearth and Aveline plonked herself down ungracefully on the chair behind her, while her sister went to the bar.

"She used to be like this. Before." She said, and even though she had her back to her friend, she could almost hear eyebrows rising in surprise. "Not _exactly _like this mind. But she was a lot of fun to be around."

"What changed?" The Guard Captain asked softly.

"Father dying. And after she joined the army she became sterner, when she and Carver came back from Ostagar it was like she was an entirely different person, and then having to leave our home with just the clothes on our backs, well," She turned to look Aveline, who gave her a sympathetic nod. "That's the person you met that day, and she's just got worse. I'm honestly surprised Aveline, that you haven't belted her one."

"You put up with family. Even when they're a complete bitch."

"Who's a complete bitch?" Her sister asked, putting three mugs on the table.

"They're probably talking about you, Hawke." Isabela offered as she slid onto the chair next to Bethany, and draped an arm around her shoulder.

"Likely." Marian said as she took the seat on the other side of her sister, and handed her the mug. "Got Corff to make you a mulled wine." She grinned as she passed it over.

"How exactly did you 'Get' him to make that?" She took a sip of the drink and made a contended noise.

"I gave him a silver." And she folded her arms over her chest when Bethany made a face at her. "What? You're cold and wet."

"But a whole silver?"

"Leave her be Sweetness." The pirate leaned in close. "She was being nice."

"I'd take advantage of that if I were you." Aveline smirked.

"I resent that, Guard Captain Aveline."

"Are you going to call me that for the rest of the night?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

Aveline laughed. "Fair enough."

A huffing whiney sound came from the floor, and everyone, apart from Bethany, looked down to watch Lug have his dream. The reason she didn't move was because Marian had put her hand on her thigh so that she could turn to look at the hound, while Isabela's chest was pressed up against her back.

There were times, while in bed at night, she had thought about a scenario similar to this, but with much less clothes involved.

"Isabela. I need to see your woman." Her sister said as she returned to her former position.

"You need to see my woman." The Rivaini repeated flatly. "Is this a sex thing? I'm all for it, I'd just like to know."

_It better not be. _Bethany frowned.

"No!" Marian pulled out the picture of the boat from her tunic, and showed it to Isabela.

"Is that for me?"

_It better not be._

"No!" Her sister groaned in exasperation. "Your woman who does the skin drawing."

"Tattooist you mean."

"I couldn't remember the word, and yes, I mean her."

"Uh, okay."

"Now. Do you think she'll be awake?"

"Probably." Isabela answered slowly.

"You're not really going to get a tattoo right now are you?" Aveline questioned.

"Give me one reason why not." The Guard Captain just stared at Marian, and her sister stuck her chin out. "See, you can't think of one."

"What do you think of this?"

The question was directed at Bethany, and she could only think of one thing. "What does it mean?"

"That she secretly has a love for me that is so great; she needs to mark herself for life to prove it." Isabela answered.

"Tell me she isn't right?" Aveline's asked what Bethany desperately wanted to know.

Her sister scrunched up her face in confusion. "Why would it have anything to do with Isabela?"

"Because it's a boat." Bethany pointed out.

"Ship." The pirate corrected automatically.

Marian's eyes wandered for a moment, and then snapped back into focus. "Oh, because you were a captain on a boat."

Isabela growled. _"Ship."_

Bethany looked at her sister with curiosity as she continued to wind-up the Rivaini about the correct terminology, while Aveline laughed. If the drawing had nothing to do with Isabela, then what did it mean? The only time they'd been on a ship was when they came to Kirkwall, and surely that wasn't something Marian wanted a constant reminder of. For Andraste's sake! This was going to bother her no end. Hopefully it was something innocuous, and for her own sanity that's what she needed it to be.

"Drink up, Bethy!" Her sister demanded as she stood up.

"But why? It's warm here, and I have mulled wine." She sulked.

"_Please." _Marian pleaded. "I'll make it up to you."

"Fine." She downed the drink in one and then stuck out her tongue because it felt like it was on fire.

"I can't believe you're going to do this." The Guard Captain spread her hands.

"You're such a prude."

"Shut up, Whore."

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><p>She didn't know how long they were inside the tattooists, but when they left the dirty hole in the wall that had been the 'Artists' home, the sun had come up. She had hoped to see it done, but the three of them that weren't about to scar themselves for life were thrown out of the room, and had to go sit in the kitchen.<p>

"I really can't believe you did that." Aveline repeated for the hundredth time. "And by someone who calls themselves Boo-Boo! That is not a name that instils confidence."

"So when you get your 'AV loves DH' tattoo, you won't be going there?"

"Hawke." The Guard Captain warned through gritted teeth.

"Will the initials will be inside a big, red heart?" Isabela asked.

Aveline muttered something under her breath and then declared, "I'm going back to the barracks."

"You are a spoiler of sports, Aveline." Marian said with mock disappointment.

"You know, I prefer you when you're a bitch."

"Really?"

"No." She smiled. "But I do have a bit of paperwork to do; I should've been back hours ago."

Marian looked sad for a moment, and then attacked the woman with a hug. "You should take Lug, we don't have anything planned for today, he needs his exercise, and I'm sure he likes to scare your men." She said as she pulled away.

"Okay." Was all Aveline managed, and was still wearing the look of shock as she walked away, followed by the War Hound.

"Well done Hawke." Isabela slapped Marian on the back. "I think you've made her question reality."

"I didn't mean to. Should I go after her?"

Bethany had to grab onto the hem of her sisters' tunic to stop her from chasing after Aveline. "No, you can tell her later, right now I think you need to go to bed."

"But it's daytime!" Marian threw her arms up in the air.

"And you're tired."

"Says who?"

"Says your eyes that are half open."

"I have to agree with your sister Hawke, Boo-Boo says you nodded off three times. People generally don't do that when ink is being burned into their flesh. Speaking of, can I see it?"

"Maybe later. I'm being sent to bed."

The pirate tutted. "I will take you up on that." She said, and gave Marian a flirtatious smile. "I'll leave you two get to bed."

And with a wink, she walked off back to the Hanged Man.

Bethany had to practically drag her sister back to Gamlen's, as she was barely able to walk. When they got back, their mother was up and eating the cheese they had got for her. "Are you two just getting in?" She asked with a warm smile. "Are you hungry?"

"No, we're just going to get some sleep." Bethany gave her a quick kiss.

"Make sure you hide the food we got you from Gamlen." Her sister said as she picked up a small piece of the Orlesian Blue and popped it in her mouth.

"I doubt it'll stay un-eaten for long Love, thank you for getting it for me."

Marian gave their mother a big smile. "You're welcome. Goodnight."

When they got into their room, she got into her nightgown quickly, and as her sister getting herself undressed, she tripped over the bones again. "Bugger." She groaned from the floor.

Bethany giggled and went to help her out. "This was your idea." She said as she pulled Marian up into a sitting position.

"I know. But they're worth eight sovereigns."

"Eight sovereigns is definitely worth you constantly falling over."

"It really is. Now, can you help me take my boots off?"

"I can indeed."

After struggling a bit with the footwear she managed to get them off, along with the leather breeches her sister was having difficulty with, followed by her tunic. She froze as soon as she lifted it over Marian's head; she wasn't wearing anything underneath it, and she swallowed hard, inhaling a shaky breath. There was the tattoo; it started in the centre of her chest, and went up and covered a part of her left breast.

"Do you like it?" Marian asked, wearing a worried frown.

She bobbed her head, moving her hand to touch it, and placed her palm over the skin to let her magic heal, then removed it quickly. "Don't want you to get an infection." She said with manic cheeriness.

"No one takes care of me like you." Her sister looked at her with a softness that made her want to cry.

"I like taking care of you." She replied gently, and got up to fetch Marian her brassiere, more for herself than for her sisters' modesty, and after getting her to stand up, she helped her into it, savouring the thrill as she did.

"Thank you." Marian said after she had been helped to dress, and gently took both of Bethany's arms and placed them on her shoulders, then wrapped her arms around her younger sister's waist.

"What are you doing?" Bethany asked quietly. How could she ever get her sister out of her head when she kept holding her like this?

"Dancing."

"There isn't any music."

"Does there need to be?"

"No, I suppose not." She answered, and let her forehead rest on Marian's.

She closed her eyes in the vain hope that she would have some control, but that wasn't enough, it never was. It left her other senses to work harder. She could hear Marian singing softly, it was a song that she'd heard all her life, and loved for as long. When she was a child, she enjoyed the tune and when she was older, it was the words that moved her. It wasn't a particularly happy song; it was about a woman who was in love with the wind, and she could relate to this woman's sadness of being in love with a force of nature that she couldn't have.

She inhaled deeply; there was still a faint smell of smoke in Marian's hair, and something else, probably the Rivaini plant that had been burnt along with the house. Regardless of this, her sister's scent was still one of the most intoxicating aromas. When Marian had left to join the army, Bethany could only get to sleep if she had something of her sister's on her pillow, but the smell would disappear after a while, from the passing of time and tears she shed, and she would have to wait until she came home on leave before she slept soundly again, and she would always steal an item of Marian's clothing before she left. It was an almost unbearable cycle for nearly two years.

The two of them swayed together and Marian's warm breath caressed her lips, their bare legs pressed together, her sister's hands were on her lower back, and dangerously close to her buttocks, every so often, as they moved she could feel a digit brush against it through her nightshirt. She was becoming more and more aroused, and she let her arms slide down so that her elbows were grazing the soft mound of her sister's breasts, and her fingers could brush against her neck. No matter what, whenever her fingertips touched Marian, she would feel a spark that travelled through her whole body, making her light-headed and flushed and she found it hard to breath, but in the best way possible.

She was addicted to her sister, she knew it, and accepted it.

Marian started to lose her balance from tiredness, so she guided her to her bed, getting in with her, and as usual, her sister pulled her into an embrace, and they faced each other with smiles, and closed their eyes.

In the back of her mind, she wondered about what would happen when the Sativa wore off, would she go back to the cold warrior, or would this be the start of a gentler person? She prayed for the latter, she wanted this woman to stay. Maybe Marian could be convinced to take the drug again. Although that was unlikely.

There had been a fleeting moment during this past night, knowing that her sister's inhibitions had been lowered, that she consider the idea of attempting to seduce her, but Isabela had told her once that there was an art to seduction, and with her experience, it would be more akin to a badly drawn stick-figure. But there was still one thing she could take advantage of, and she was feeling bold enough to do it now.

"Ree?" She whispered

"Mmm?"

"Do you remember that Orlesian box?"

"Of course."

"Do you remember what you said when you told me I should keep it?"

Marian opened her lids half way and moved her hand to cup her face. "You will forever be the most beautiful person I know."

She sighed contentedly, moving herself in as close as possible and then closed her eyes. She felt Marian shift and was suddenly aware that her sister's knee was between her legs. Oh Maker! Her face began to heat up and she was having difficulty breathing. _This isn't good. _She thought. _I won't be able to-_

The kiss surprised her, so much so that she was unable to stop the magic from her hands; Marian delicately sucked on her bottom lip, and the sensation of the plump, moist mouth against her own made her head swirl, and the moment she felt her sister's warm tongue brush against her slightly parted lips, she was undone. She was unable to extinguish the mana from her hand, but she knew it would be harmless, and so she ran her fingers through Marian's hair, pulling her in to deepen the kiss, and there was no resistance. Their tongues met, and danced a slow and sensual dance, there were moans, and she couldn't be sure whose they were, she felt her sister's hand move painfully slow across her stomach, tracing the contours of her body, over her hip, down her thigh and finally settling on the back of her knee, and Marian pulled her leg up, so that they could be even more intimate than they already were.

Their entwined bodies fit so perfectly.

When Marian pulled away, her eyes snapped open, and she saw tears streaming down her sisters' face. "What's wrong?" Her voice cracked.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"But is it the same kind of love?"

Bethany almost laughed. "I was fifteen when I fell in love with you."

Marian sobbed, but she looked happy, and she took hold of Bethany's hand that still glowed, placing it over her tattoo. "This," She kissed her briefly. "means us. It had to be over my heart, because I could never give it to anyone else, except you."

Now it was Bethany's turn to cry. "Then I will keep it safe."

"The guardian of my heart."

She smiled, and Marian smiled back. "Yes." She kissed her. "You should go to sleep."

"I don't think I can, not now."

"You can, I'm not going anywhere. Not ever." She moved to lay on her back, and pulled Marian into her the crook of her neck.

They fit. They always will.

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**A/N: Okay, so there's a chance this will turn into an M rating, if anyone has any objections to this, please let me know.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Lothering – Twentieth of Pluitanis 9:28 Dragon.**

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"She told me that it wasn't me, it was her. That she had no time for us to be together, but I've seen her with other girls!"

"Mmm hmm." Bethany responded in a non-committal tone. She had her chin in her palm and her elbow on the table, staring out at the mass of people who were clearly having a much better time than she was.

At some point during Marian's birthday party she had been accosted by Flora Dawes, who had spent the entire time talking about how her sister had broken up with her. The girl had gone through every range of emotion twice now, and was back on anger for the third time. For the first half an hour Bethany had been sympathetic to the girls' distress, she was, after all, responsible for the ending of the relationship, but after a few hours in this girls' company, she was certain that she's done Marian a favour. Not only that, but it had been eight bloody months since the break-up, seriously, this girl should move on.

She snorted derisively. It wasn't as if she'd moved on either.

"I've even seen her with Allison. She's old!"

"Seen her do what?" She snapped.

"They were talking."

"Just talking?"

"Yes, but Ari doesn't _just_ speak to…"

"Flora!" She shouted, and when she saw tears start to well up in the girls' eyes, softened her tone. "I'm sorry, it's quite late and I'm tired and drunk. I think I'll go home."

"Okay." Flora said sadly, and she left her nursing a mug of ale.

She scanned the barn for her Heart-Breaker of a sister, and when she failed to spot her, she went in search of someone she actually knew, and who wasn't in love with Marian. That narrowed it down to three people, so she walked up to the closest one, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Bethany!" Kynon cried out happily, and leaned in. "You managed to escape then." He nodded to Flora.

"Yes. Thank you for helping me out with that." She smiled sweetly.

"I stay away from crying girls."

"You stay away from most girls."

"What can I say? I prefer outies to innies."

Bethany giggled. "I've read that on many walls."

"I find that it's the easiest way of getting word out." He said, giving her a wink.

She shook her head. "No wonder you and my sister are friends. Speaking of, have you seen her?"

"Last time I saw her she said she was 'Getting some fresh air' and we know what that usually means."

"Thanks." She gave him a small smile, spun on her heel, and left the barn.

The cold hit her as soon as she stepped outside, so she took the shawl she had tied around her waist, and wrapped it over her shoulders. If Marian _was_ with someone, going to look for her would be a bad idea, there was a big difference knowing she spent time with other girls, and _seeing_ her spend time with other girls.

But, she had to know.

She didn't know where she was heading exactly, but at hearing a lot of noise coming from the direction of the oak tree, she walked briskly towards it and saw Carver with his friends, passing around a bottle. "Having fun?" She grinned at the four boys, and the three that weren't related to her immediately started to flatten down their messy hair, and attempt to stand up as straight as possible.

"Have you come to bring some feminine class to our band of 'merry' men?" Bradan asked.

Carver hit the boy in the stomach, and snatched the wine from him as he doubled over. "That's my sister. Don't make me cut off your hands."

She stifled a laugh at her brother's over protectiveness, and patted Bradan on the back. "I'm afraid not, I was just looking for Ree. Have you lot seen her?"

"Uh, I saw her walking Bess home. I don't know how long ago that was." Her brother shrugged.

"Chardon?"

"Do we know another one?" Carver frowned; his eyes became unfocused as he searched his memory to check this.

"No. Right, well, I think I'll just go home then."

Her brother grabbed hold of her and gave her a bear hug. "Okay, be careful. Love you Sis." Carver always got so affectionate when he'd been drinking.

"I will." She said as she ruffled his hair. "Try and keep the noise down when you get home."

"I'll be as QUIET AS A CHANTRY MOUSE!" He yelled, throwing his arms in the air.

She might've laughed at his overly dramatic, and loud statement, if she wasn't too busy legging it. Her dear brother did have a tendency to rile up their neighbours on a regular basis, and when one or more of them came outside in a few seconds to express their displeasure at his volume, she did not want to be around when that happened.

She stopped running as she neared the mill, and noticed Lug sitting outside the door. The hound stood up and wagged his stumpy tail when she walked up to him. "Hey boy." She said quietly, tickling behind his ear. "What are you doing out here?"

He responded in a soft whine, and turned to look at the closed door. Bethany frowned; the Mabari rarely strayed far from his mistress unless ordered to.

She exhaled deeply as she took hold of the handle, and pushed the door open slowly; the main hall was dark, but she could see a light coming from the foreman's office. Lug nudged the back of her legs and she ushered him out with a wave of her hand, "Keep guard, there's a good boy." He did as she asked, and she closed the door behind him.

She couldn't ignore the terrifying thought that the lit room she was tiptoeing towards was going to contain her sister and Bess Chardon in a compromising position, but at the same time, a smaller part of her brain was refusing to acknowledge this possibility.

_Please don't be Marian. Please don't be Marian. Please don't be Marian._

As she got closer she could make out a low, rhythmic moan and her stomach began to churn. She reached the half closed doorway and opened it enough to look inside. Half a second was all she needed to see everything she didn't want to see, and she ran, not caring if she was heard or not.

Why did she have to look? It was idiotic. She knew, deep down what she was going to see, and yet she did it anyway. Being stretched on a rack would've been less torturous than what she had witnessed, and she had done it to herself.

It was a blessing that she knew Lothering so well because she could hardly see from her tears, as she made it to the porch, nausea overwhelmed her and she hurriedly changed her direction to the side of the house; emptying the contents of her stomach onto a lettuce patch. Once all the alcohol, food and bile had been so forcefully ejected, she stood up carefully and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. It was only then she noticed the black wolf that frequented their home, standing near the sapling they planted for Father. The animal was bent low, watching something in the shadows, and didn't move as she walked towards it.

"What are you doing?" Ordinarily she didn't speak to animals like they were people, with the exception of Lug, but the creature always seemed to understand what she was saying, so she didn't feel foolish asking the question.

Without breaking the contact with whatever it could see, it simply snarled, and stalked closer to the shadow.

"Please." A voice whispered pleadingly from the darkness.

She crouched down next to the wolf and leaned close to its ear, being careful to touch it, and said, "Keep close." She straightened up and told the voice to come out where she could see them. There was a sound of struggling and a grunt of pain as the person hobbled of the shadow into the moonlight. It was a young woman; her face was covered in deep gashes, and a great deal of, what she presumed was blood.

"Makers Breath!" Bethany murmured as she strode towards her, and waved her hands out when the woman backed away. "Don't be afraid."

"I had no intention of stealing anything."

"Uh. Okay."

"I should take my leave, it seems I have already angered your wolf, and I do not wish to anger you." The young woman said in a strangled voice.

There was a hint of an accent, but the woman was still speaking quietly, so she couldn't tell for certain. "It isn't my wolf, I think it comes from the Wilds, and I can't let you go anywhere, you're badly injured and your clothing looks like they have had better days, you'll freeze to death if you stay outside. Come in, you can have some hot food and I can clean you up and give you some spare clothes. If you still wish to leave, then you'll at least last until morning."

The young woman hesitated before responding. "You are very kind. Thank you. My name is Leliana."

_Orlesian_. She noted, and immediately thought of Carver and the stolen box. "I'm Bethany." She smiled, and flourished her arm towards the door. "After you."

The wolf snarled again as they began to walk into the house, and she gave it a warning look. "If you're so dead against the idea of me bringing a stranger into my house, then you can always come in too."

She swore that there was an actual moment of indecision in those golden eyes, and she laughed as the animal lifted its head in an aloof manner, and trotted casually over the threshold.

As soon as they were inside she urged the young woman to sit and made a beeline for the pile of wood, placing a few logs onto the smouldering fire, and surreptitiously helping it out with her magic. It was a dangerous thing to do, but she was cold, and even with the current situation, the mental image of Marian with _that_ girl was still playing on her mind, and she didn't have as tight a grasp of her control as usual.

Once the flames began to dance, she placed the kettle over them and turned her attention the young woman, seeing just how severe her injuries were. It wasn't just her face; every inch of skin that was exposed had bruises and cuts, and the tattered clothing she wore was covered in blood.

"Maker." She stared open mouthed for a moment until she noticed the young woman begin to look uncomfortable. "I'm sorry." She said hurriedly, and went to get the bandages ready.

"There's no need to apologise, I know my must look quite the sight."

"Did the wolf do this to you?" She asked. Realising she probably should've found this out before letting the animal into her house.

"No." Leliana chuckled. "She just growled at me. For a wild beast, she certainly seems to be very protective of you."

Bethany looked over to the creature that was watching her from beside the fire, and frowned. "It's a she? I had no idea." She removed the gauze and a cloth from the cupboard and placed it next to the woman, then fetched a bowl and poured some of the now lukewarm water into it. "This'll probably sting." She gave the Orlesian a half smile as she sat in front of her then soaked the material, and gently wiped the dried blood from the woman's face.

Leliana winced a little, but then relaxed. "You were crying." It wasn't a question, just a simple statement.

"I- Yes." She sighed, and put the cloth back into the water to clean it. "I've been drinking."

"If you'd like to talk about it, I am a very good listener." Leliana had clearly seen through her ridiculous statement.

Bethany's brow furrowed deeply. "I don't know you."

"Aren't those the best kinds of people to relieve your burdens to?"

"I'm not sure about that."

The Orlesian leaned in. "I could help."

She laughed mirthlessly at this. "No, I don't think anyone can help."

"Unrequited love, especially in someone so young, can always feel like the end of the world."

She gaped at the woman in surprise. "How did you know that?"

Leliana giggled, and gave her a shrug. "I simply guessed." She removed the damp cloth Bethany was holding, and began washing herself.

"Most people don't immediately go to unrequited love when they've seen someone sobbing."

The Orlesian smiled wickedly. "Very true. But I had pieces of information before I came to my conclusion."

"Such as?"

"I saw two young women enter the mill, and they seemed to be enjoying each others company, and then I saw you shortly after."

She smiled awkwardly at the young woman, and was about to speak when the door opened. Marian's gaze fell to Leliana, then to her sister, and finally to the wolf.

"What's going on?" The older sibling asked.

"I found some strays and I thought I'd bring them in." Bethany answered with a barely concealed snarl.

Her sister strode over to the Orlesian and sucked her teeth in sympathetic pain when she saw the wounds up close. "You are going to need a poultice, or twenty." She said giving Leliana a cocky smile.

Bethany growled. She'd only just left one girl, now she was showing interest in another. "Shouldn't you be at your party?"

"Shouldn't you?"

"I was, but then you left and I didn't see any point in staying, especially as I had to deal with Flora most of the night."

Marian gave her a worried look. "I- I had something to do."

"Something? I think you mean _someone_." She huffed as she stood up abruptly.

Her sister remained silent.

"Ahhh." The Orlesian said knowingly.

Bethany clenched her jaw. What was it that the young woman thought she knew? "I'm going to get some spare clothes." And she stormed into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her. It was a good job Mother was staying with friends tonight, she wouldn't be happy with what was going on, at all.

Instead of going to her own dresser, she went to Marian's, partly because Leliana was more her sisters build, but mostly it was to piss her sister off. It was very childish, and in reality she had no right to be angry at Marian, but the hurt that she still felt overpowered any sense of reason she might've had. She grabbed the nicest items of clothes, and walked back into the other room to see her sister sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring at the wolf, slowly moving her hand towards it, then pulling away quickly when the animal snapped at her.

She handed the breeches and shirt to the Orlesian without paying her much attention, and went up to the wolf, crouching down so that she was at eye level. "She does that again. Bite her hand off."

"What have I done to upset you?" Marian looked at her with confusion.

"Nothing."

"Could've fooled me."

"Perhaps I am upset, but why do you assume that it's anything to do with you, Sister?"

"Oh!" She heard the surprised sound coming from behind her.

Both sisters' ignored Leliana and Marian put her hands on her hips. "I don't know, maybe because you just told a wild animal to bite me!"

"She doesn't seem that wild to me."

"Urgh! Fine! Don't tell me." Her sister barked, stamping her foot. "I'm going back out."

"Fine. Go."

"I will." And with that, Marian left.

"Damn it." She mumbled to herself, staring at the closed door in front of her.

"It must be hard."

She turned to face Leliana with a blank look. "What must be hard?"

The Orlesians features were soft. "To feel so strongly for her." She said with a timid smile, pointing at where her sister had just exited.

"It isn't like that." Her tone was level, or as level as it could be while her blood drained from her body in fear.

Leliana gave her an understanding nod. "It's not so strange. While I was in Val Royeaux, there were many nobles who married for titles, but bedded their siblings. Many Emperor and Empress' have been born from that kind of relationship."

"Humph." Bethany scoffed. "I'd prefer it if you didn't compare my feelings to nobby Orlesians who want to keep their bloodline 'Pure' Thank you very much."

Leliana raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Well, you and your sister can't exactly have children can you?"

She sighed. There was no point in denying it. How was it that a complete stranger could come into her life so quickly, and figure her out so well? She looked at the clothes the young woman was still clutching and she mentally chided herself. "You can use our room to change, and I'll get you some clean water."

The Orlesian looked slightly disappointed that the discussion seemed to be over, but smiled nevertheless. "I appreciate what you have done for me."

Once Leliana had everything she needed and entered the room, Bethany collapsed onto one of the chairs and put her head in her hands. She had too many thoughts running through her mind, and her head was pounding because of it. What was she going to say to Marian? How was she going to explain to Mother, who was bound to find out, about letting a battered Orlesian woman into their home, and a wolf! She jerked her head up, groaning when it throbbed, and looked over at the creature. It was still watching her, it always watched her. "Do you have an opinion on this mess?"

The animal made a snuffling sound, and it came across as, 'I really don't care'

She chuckled as she eased herself of the chair, and went over to the pot of stew that had been left for them by their mother, and placing her hands around it, she let her magic heat it up. Then she took two small bowls from the stack and ladled a healthy portion into each of them, placing one on the floor in front of the wolf. It sniffed the food a few times before devouring it within seconds; she removed the bowl and put another helping in it, and said, "This is all you're getting."

"That smells absolutely delicious. And your wolf seems to agree." Came a voice behind her.

"I promised you food." She said as she put the dish onto the table, and the young Orlesian jumped into her seat, and ate it just as quickly as the animal.

"Perhaps you should tell her." Leliana smiled as she dropped the spoon into the empty bowl, and rubbed her belly with a satisfied moan.

"I'll consider that if I never want her to speak to me again." After a couple of beats of silence Bethany rubbed the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "That was uncalled for, I'm sorry."

"No. No. I was being rude. It must seem like I know a great deal about you, but you know very little about me. You can ask me anything you wish."

"I think it's obvious what I want to ask."

"Yes." Leliana bent her head solemnly. "I was betrayed by someone I thought loved me. She led certain people to believe that I had committed a crime, and I was punished."

"This," Bethany gestured to the woman's wounds. "was your punishment?"

"Yes."

"I see." She was dubious about the reason, but didn't doubt the punishment. She had seen whip marks before, on elves mostly, and she recognised them on the Orlesians' skin. "I should take you to the Chantry." And when Leliana gave her a quizzical look, she added, "You'll be safe there and it'll be somewhere warm to sleep for the night. The Revered Mother is a kind woman; she'll take good care of you."

"Would she mind that I don't believe in the Maker?"

"Not at all." She smiled.

Once they were ready, she and Leliana left to go to the Chantry, and the wolf ran off as soon as she stepped outside.

"She isn't a gracious guest is she?" The Orlesian chuckled, and rubbed her arms to ward of the cold.

"It doesn't look that way." Bethany answered as she watched the animal disappear into the distance.

They walked in silence until they reached the Chantry, and when they arrived, she turned to the young woman. "You don't need me for this. And you never know, this might end up being something that you needed."

"Thank you for everything. Maybe someday you'll get what you want."

"We live in hope everyday." She nodded, and Leliana took a deep breath as she opened the door, and then she was gone.

She wondered if she would ever see the woman again as she made her way back home, it had certainly been an experience, not necessarily one she would like repeated anytime soon, but it was definitely memorable. Her thoughts were disturbed by Lug bounding up to her and running around in circles. "Someone's happy."

He stopped to bark quietly at her, and then continued to run around. She looked up to see Marian standing just ahead, and she looked sad, Bethany knew that was her doing and she ambled over to her sister, stopping directly in front of her, and without saying a word she pulled her into a tight embrace, then cried.

It was foolish to hope for something so unattainable, but without hope, she was hopeless.

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**A/N: I think I'll stop doing the pattern of Lothering then Kirkwall; I'll just be forcing it otherwise.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys, I had such a block on this chapter.**

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><p><strong>Kirkwall - Tenth of Frumentum 9:31 Dragon.<strong>

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As soon as she became conscious, Bethany knew she was alone in her bed. She opened her eyes slowly and stared out of the small window that was above her. Dusk was approaching, which saddened her because she always hated wasting the day.

She sighed as she watched the diminishing sun; she had never felt quite as alone as she did at this moment. She had hoped that Marian would be here when she awoke, that she could kiss her again. She would've liked to have started her day –no matter how late it was – by having that feeling of her sisters' soft lips against hers.

'_I was such a fool to think we had a chance.' _ She thought as she swung her legs from her bunk, and as soon as her feet touched the rough wood of the floor; she could feel the sting of tears, but she rubbed her eyes in an attempt to prevent herself from crying.

She only let her self-pity last for a few moments before she forced herself to stand, and get dressed. She couldn't allow the pain in her chest to consume her, no matter how much she wished to simply go back to her cot, and cry until she felt nothing. But she was a Hawke. And Hawke's are strong; they don't let themselves dragged down by emotions, not when there are more important things to worry about.

As she put on her clothes, she noticed that the dragon bones had gone, and her brow furrowed for an instant; she wondered how she had managed to sleep through them being removed from the room. Shaking her head, she walked out into the main room where her mother was sitting by the fire.

"Where's Ree?" She asked solemnly.

Her mother looked at her curiously before she answered. "She left a little time ago Darling, she said she was going to that tavern the two of you spend so much time in."

Bethany nodded. '_She's probably spending some time with Isabela' _ "Oh. Alright then." She acknowledged and soothed her temples as she went to make herself some tea.

Ignoring the emptiness she felt was not going to be as easy as she tried to convince herself it would be. She wanted to be sick. She wanted to talk to Marian. She wanted – _no_ – she needed to know if her sister had spoken what she truly felt, or whether it was that damn plant speaking for her.

"Darling?"

"Yes." She answered without turning to look at the woman. She knew she would see concern in her mother's features, and she was sure that she would break down if she faced that.

"Is everything alright? You seem… You don't seem yourself."

"No, I'm fine Mother. Don't worry." She replied in a cheery tone. "I'm only tired."

"If you're sure." Leandra responded doubtfully, and Bethany was grateful her mother wasn't going to press the matter.

Once her tea was ready, she took a seat next to Leandra, and watched the flames dance in the fire place. _'What if she's at the Hanged Man because she's avoiding me? What if she never wants to speak of it?' _ She closed her eyes and brought back the memory of their kiss and the sensations it brought up in her. She had imagined it so many times over the years, and it had been so much more than she had ever envisioned.

"Did Ree say when she would be back?" Bethany asked, and took a sip of her tea.

"No, only that she wouldn't be long. She did try to wake you, but you were dead to the world." Her mother chuckled.

"She did?" She raised her brow in surprise.

"Oh yes! She seemed quite disappointed that she would have to leave without you."

She smiled at her mother and the woman smiled back; pleased that the information seemed to have lifted her daughters' mood slightly. Bethany took another sip of her beverage as she considered what she should do now. Should she wait until Marian got back? Or should she go to her? The memory of what her sister had said to her dropped itself neatly in the forefront of her mind - Marian had told her that she loved her, and that the tattoo she had burned into herself meant that her heart belonged to no one but Bethany. _'She branded herself for me. That couldn't have simply been because of that plant. It must be because that is how she feels. It absolutely must be!'_

"I think I'll take a walk to the Hanged Man." She said as stood up abruptly.

"I wish you wouldn't Darling, it's getting dark, and I don't like you alone on the street at night."

"I'll be fine Mother. I can take care of myself." Bethany leaned down, and kissed her mother on the cheek.

"I know you can. But I'd rather you didn't have to." The woman grasped her daughters' hand. "Just promise me you'll be careful."

"I always am." The young mage gave her mother a sympathetic smile when her hand was let go. "I'm sure I won't be too long."

Just to make sure she didn't run into any nastiness on her way to the tavern - she ran there, and as soon as she walked in, she was greeted by Varric.

"Milady Sunshine!" He bellowed, and she laughed in return. "How are you on this fine eve?" He asked as she strode up to him.

"I'm fine. Have you seen my sister?" She asked looking around the room.

"She's in Rivaini's room." He pointed behind him.

Bethany swallowed the bile that she felt in the back of her throat, and took a seat on the bench next to the dwarf. "Oh." She managed. "It was bound to happen I suppose." She said giving him a thin smile.

"What?" He frowned, and after a moment he realised what she had meant. "No! Rivaini isn't there; she's gone to see an elf about a thing. Your sister is counting up the coin she collected from everyone who bought the bone. It's a pretty hefty sum too. You should go and see her." He gave her a wink, and without a second thought, she patted him on the shoulder and left him to his business.

The door was slightly ajar, and she gave it a quick knock as she opened it further. When she entered the room she saw that Isabela's bed was covered in gold and silver and copper, it really was an impressive bounty. Marian looked up then quickly jumped off of the bed, and practically ran as she made her way over to her younger sister, and stopped when she was barely an inch away from her face. "I hoped I would get back before you woke up." She smiled at Bethany, and pushed the door shut. "I didn't want you to think I had abandoned you."

"I didn't think that." The mage lied. It was easier to avoid the truth as her attention was focused on the nearness of Marian, and coherent thoughts were not a friend to her at this time.

Her sister leaned in closer still, and their lips met softly. Cautiously. Then, slowly, it became deeper - and with every languid brush of a tongue; Bethany felt her knees get weaker. Marian caught her before she fell, and she was disappointed that the kiss had been broken. "I've missed you." She said, as her sister lowered her to the floor.

"I haven't been gone long." Marian gave her an amused smile. "And you were asleep for most of it."

"That isn't what I meant." She answered, and brushed her fingertips over her sisters' lips, then over to the corner of her mouth. "I've missed this smile."

Marian took Bethany's face in her hands. "I'm sorry for the person I became." She said with a sad look. "I didn't cope with everything that was going on in my head very well. I attempted to run away from the things I was carrying around with me, and I should never have done that. Not to you."

"What were you trying to run from?" Bethany's voice cracked a little.

Marian brushed over both of her sister's cheeks with her thumbs. "Father's memory. My feeling's for you." The older Hawke rested her forehead on Bethany's. "I thought if I wasn't around you they would go away, but they didn't. All that really happened was that I loved you more; and it hurt that I couldn't see you."

Bethany leaned in closer and gave her sister a brief kiss. "It hurt me too."

"I hate knowing that I caused you pain."

"You didn't know. Neither one of us did." She let out a mirthless laugh. "All of these years of misery; thinking we could never have the person we wanted because…"

"It's wrong." Marian finished the sentence, but she didn't move from her position. "I stopped struggling with my conflict about this - a long time ago. I accepted that we were just a dream because you are my sister. But that didn't-" Marian stumbled over her words for a moment, then stopped, and shook her head. "Do you remember that pie Father used to make? It was half apple and half gooseberry; because you and Mother love gooseberries, and Carver and I love apples. That's how I have thought of my love for you. One half loves you as my sister, while the other half is in love with you. So I told myself that, even though it was two separate halves of love, it still meant that I loved you wholly."

Bethany took a hand that was on her cheek, and held it to her breast. "I didn't give into my feelings for you; they consumed me. I had no choice in the matter. My adoration for you as a sister morphed into something else, but I never saw it as something perverse, even if my mind told me I should. Ree, if you feel you cannot be with me, I need to know now."

"I think I would die if I _wasn't_ with you now." Marian exhaled. "Without you I'm less than a person; that a part of my soul is with you and _not_ being near you- means that I am incomplete." She smiled, and kissed the mage again.

The door handled rattled, and that was followed by a bang. "Hawke! Open the door!"

The sisters pulled apart quickly, and Marian lifted Bethany as she stood. "Alright!" The older sister shouted, picking up a gauntlet and hitting the latch until it became free.

"What did I tell you?" Isabela frowned when she walked in. "Don't shut the bloody door, or it will stick."

"I forgot." Marian shrugged, and gave her sister an amused smile.

"I'll forgive you this time. But only because you're in a disturbingly good mood." The Isabela swatted the warrior on the arm with a linen wrap then handed it over to her. "As promised. Now where's my cut of the profit?"

Marian shoved the small package into her belt, and picked up two sovereigns. "There."

The pirate grinned. "Well, I'll be having a good night tonight. Will you two be joining me? The first round is on you."

Marian scoffed. "No. Bethany and I have already made plans."

"Bums! I was looking forward to spending time with you like this, who knows how long this will last."

"I'm sure the good mood will be here for a while, Isabela." Bethany offered with certainty.

"I hope so, Sweetness." The Rivaini replied with an unconvinced expression.

Marian scooped up all the coin from the bed into a satchel, and took hold of her sister's hand. "We'll more than likely see you tomorrow Wench."

"Looking forward to it Bitch."

As the two sisters were leaving, Marian handed some coins over to Varric, and he raised his mug in thanks. "Bianca and I shall toast you tonight Hawke!"

"Much appreciated." She waved, and the two girls walked out into the street.

The older Hawke linked her fingers with her sister's as they walked back to Gamlen's; and it felt strange to Bethany. They had held hands many times before - Ever since she could remember, Marian had connected herself to her in some way, and it was always comforting. But now it was different; better, there was something deeper in its meaning; a promise of something more; something they both wanted.

She squeezed the hand, but didn't let herself be lost in her feelings; Lowtown was dark now so they both had to be alert. "Ree? What's in that parcel Isabela gave to you?"

"Nosy little thing aren't you." Marian chuckled.

"Only now you're noticing?" She bumped her sisters' shoulder playfully.

"No, just pointing it out."

"So are you going to tell me what's in the parcel?"

"And persistent too." Marian let go of Bethany's hand when they reached the door of their uncle's house, and turned to look at her sister. "You'll see soon enough." She said giving her a reassuring smile.

Leandra put down the book she was reading when she saw both her daughters walk in, and gave them a surprised look. "When you said you wouldn't be long, I didn't think you'd be back so soon. The two of you have a tendency to be gone for hours."

"We've been working hard Mother; I thought we deserved an easy day." Marian answered almost coolly as she pulled out a range of vegetables and meats from her satchel, and placed them on the table. "We made quite a bit of coin from the bones."

Bethany gave her sister a sideways glance; surprised by the tone. She'd been in a good mood with everyone else, so it was odd.

"Thank you Love, you didn't have to do that." Their mother smiled, and stood up and began preparing the food for supper.

"We need to go through our coin Mother; do you need any help before then?" Marian touched Bethany's arm and nodded towards the bedroom.

"No thank you Love, you've done plenty already."

As soon as the door was shut, Marian grabbed hold of the bottom of her sister's tunic, and pulled her in for a kiss. Bethany felt a shocking surge run though every nerve in her body and she held onto her sister's waist as tightly as she could. She felt light-headed as the kiss deepened, and the moan she let out, reverberated in her throat.

Once again, her legs felt like they were about to fold underneath her, and she pulled away; exhaling loudly. "You always did make me weak in the knees." She laughed when she saw the worried look on Marian's face, and she took a seat on her bed.

The older Hawke sister released a relieved sigh, and took out the package from her belt. "This is for you." She lifted up the wrap, and then knelt down in front of Bethany. "I put in the order yesterday; before I knew you felt the same way," She opened the parcel and took out a ring. "I'm not entirely certain how I was going to explain this," She grinned, and lifted up her sister's hand. "but I wanted to give you something special. And now it seems like it was kismet." Marian slipped the item of jewellery onto Bethany's ring finger; and seemed pleased that it fit her perfectly.

The young mage held it up to her face; tilting her head inquisitively. The band itself was made of silver and placed on top was a small piece of the dragon bone, intricately carved with a heart behind a sword.

"You are the protector of my heart." Marian shrugged.

"It's very beautiful. I can feel magic on it."

"That kid Sandal put an enchantment on it. According to his father; the lyrium in it helps with your mana somehow. I don't know exactly, he went into some details that were a little over my head, so I stopped listening after he said it would help you."

"What if there's a down side?"

"Do you think I'm such a fool that I wouldn't ask that?" Her sister asked sarcastically. "Once he stopped talking, I asked him and he said no."

Bethany looked at the ring again, and in particular on the ring Marian placed it on. "Does this mean we are betrothed now?"

"It's a Unity Band. This is a symbol of my love; of how I want us to spend the rest of our lives together."

"It's as close as we're ever going to be allowed to get. It's perfect Ree."

Bethany stared at the ring for a few moments, before slipping off of the bed, onto her sister's lap, causing the other woman to fall back onto the floor. She bent down, and captured plump lips. She wanted to be able to kiss Marian without almost collapsing.

Everything was going to be good now. She could actually sense the weight being taken off of her shoulders.

She relaxed against her sister's body, and embraced the new chapter in her life.

.


End file.
